Monthly Archives: February 2015

Can you bully-proof your child?

A cry for help can be within your hearing range.

A cry for help may be within your hearing range.

Read any article on bullying and you’ll notice that the word bully should not refer to a person.  The word bully should be used to describe a behavior.  The behavior is usually demonstrated because the child has a deep need for control, especially during developmental years.  Bullying is also a repetitive behavior that involves a power imbalance.

Call me old fashioned but while “developmental years” may contribute to a more conducive environment for bullying, I don’t believe that the behavior always starts with the child.  Many children seem to be learning some of their behaviors at home.  Regardless of how the behavior begins, it should end with one or both parents setting boundaries.  In my limited time here on earth, the bullying I have witnessed both as a child and as an adult was socially patterned behavior. Continue reading

Grief is the price we pay for love.

griefThe years pass and the lines seem to etch themselves more deeply into my face.  Age brings wisdom, and a firm trade off between inexperienced beauty and intelligent grace.  In addition to wisdom, age also brings a deep knowledge of one’s own mortality.  Every decision becomes even more important and the some days become now or never.

Wisdom and the understanding of our fierce ability to love, becomes a deep-rooted presence.  Fierce love for our parents, for our extended family, for our children and for our friends.  Fierce love for those who have lost children or suffer in a way they never should have to suffer.  We learn that the price for our ability to fiercely love is grief.  Yes.  Grief is the price we pay for love. Continue reading

Affairs and divorce, keep the children out of it.

Congratulations.  You've hurt your ex and have torn your child's heart into pieces.

Congratulations. You’ve hurt your ex and have torn your child’s heart into pieces.

I see the hurt and pain in your eyes.  I’ve been there.  You want to hurt your soon-to-be ex spouse as much as you are hurting. Perhaps you want revenge. You’ve been betrayed.  You’re so angry at the loss of your family, your home and your identity.  Identity…that’s the big one isn’t it?  For years you’ve been someone’s spouse, someone’s parent, have lived in this house, had these friends,  have gone to this job and now this.  Now you start over.

It feels as if your life is going down the toilet. Continue reading

Discipline and success, let’s do this!

This applies to all aspects of our lives!

This applies to all aspects of our lives!

Today’s society often focuses on instant gratification.   Hungry?  Eat that piece of pizza.  Tired?  Take a nap.   Overwhelmed with all of the tasks ahead of you?  Watch TV and call in sick to work.  Stressed out?  Have a glass of wine.    Unhappy in your marriage?  Have an affair.  Feel a little bit older?  Buy a car you can’t afford.

Instant gratification is part of our human nature.  However, indulging in this practice over and over and over again leads to only one thing.  Consistently focusing on the short-term means leaving your goals by the wayside.

Open the door to the power of the word “discipline.”

Discipline is about delaying gratification in order to achieve your true goals.  This is how you succeed.   You can’t be rewarded for the work you don’t do.  I think some of us have difficulty achieving our goals because we don’t look at our lives in the long-term.  We have what it takes to succeed.  YOU have what it takes to succeed.  The key is to stop grabbing for the quick fixes or the instant coping mechanisms that side track your progress.  Delaying gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards is discipline.  This ability is the prerequisite for success.

So what are some of your goals?  What instant gratification moments interfere with attaining those goals?  Let’s think long-term, and let’s start to practice discipline.  This is what will put you on the right track to success.  It’s only February!  Let’s do this!

 

 

Want to succeed? Create a “stop doing” list.

stopdoingEvery morning I wake up and am excited to start a new day, a day where I will be productive, a day where I will workout, cook, clean, do laundry, put in my hours for work, write my blog and be a mother and a wife.  When night falls I wonder what I did all day.   This scenario seems to repeat itself, like a bad scene from the movie “Groundhog Day.”

Then one day on Twitter I saw a tweet about creating a “stop-doing” list.  A gigantic light bulb went off and I realized that even though I always intend to be extremely productive, I put obstacles in my own way.  It is time for me to create a stop doing list!

Here it is:

  1. Facebook.  Limit to once a day.  Biggest time waste ever.
  2. Stop ALWAYS answering the phone.  You do NOT have to answer the phone just because it rings.  Call your friends back when there is downtime, not when you’re trying to finish a task.
  3. Snacking.  Stop snacking and procrastinating.
  4. Smartphone.  Put down the smartphone.  It’s the equivalent of Facebook.  You can “look” at your phone for a second in the parking lot before entering work or the gym and look up twenty minutes later.  Put it down.
  5. Stop saying yes.  Thank you Mr. Buffet.  I will practice saying no.
  6. Stop spending time on useless comparisons, insecurities or things that don’t matter.  See #1.
  7. Stop worrying about things that are not in your control.
  8. Stop any negative self talk.
  9. Stop trying to make other people’s problems better.  Focus on your own life and your family.
  10. Stop being slow in the morning.  Have your coffee and then go go go!

Well that’s the start of my list!  I’m going to post this on my blog, print it out, and try to follow these steps.  Maybe, just maybe I can then hit some of my “to-do” items on my list!  What’s on your “stop-doing” list?