This week was a tough parenting week. Worst week ever! My motherhood crown came flying off of my head. I handed in the trophies and went into a corner and wallowed in cluelessness and self-pity. My weakest personality trait reared its ugly head and served me a nice big cup of wake the hell up coffee. I also had a bit of an epiphany so it’s all good.
So that’s what I’m going to cryptically write about today. This week I have realized that I was the weakest link in my sons’ perspective on life and the people around him. I taught him how to be kind to others but I didn’t fully teach him how to be compassionate to himself.
You see, I always see the good in people. ALWAYS. I’m a typical victim. I’m the girl who dated guys that were bad for her because, well, there were good moments too. I’m the friend who put up with so much negative bullshit because sometimes that friend was actually kind and supportive. I’m the person who will put herself last and put others first even when they absolutely don’t deserve it. I’m an annoying optimist and pride myself on my own strength. That strength is also a weakness because I will hold up the world alone, to my own detriment and sing “Don’t Worry Be Happy.”
When I was younger, my mom told me that sometimes people are just not good for you. In fact, I’ve given her that advice also. Why would I listen to my own advice? I have now taught my children to see the goodness in everyone and it’s blowing up in my face. When you don’t teach your children to hold others accountable for their actions or inaction, you are invalidating their worth.
Invalidating their worth.
The truth is that some people are jerks. Some people are selfish and not everyone shares your values. Going into a situation and automatically believing that someone who has already let you down over and over will change or switch gears is just a fantasy. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s a duck. No it’s not a prince or a friend, it’s a damn duck.
Actions speak louder than words.
So I have reversed course a bit with the kids. Be kind but be kind to yourself and others. Forgive those who want to be forgiven, not the person who will take a dump on you again. Don’t sacrifice yourself to save someone else. YOU ARE WORTHY of all the love and support and friendship life has to offer and YOU CAN BE PICKY about who you give your own love and time and support to. STOP wasting time with people who take take take and then take again. You know who your true friends are so stop wasting time with the ones that just don’t matter.