I can’t help you.

During the last six months I’ve made some tough parenting decisions.  Those decisions were incredibly difficult and uncomfortable.  I put some serious boundaries in place with one of my sons..  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I had to tell him that I couldn’t help him anymore, that he completely owned his life and that I was done and was letting go.

He was crushed.  I was devastated. 

And he did it.  He helped himself.  I didn’t enable him any longer and he understood that it was time to love and care for himself and his future.  So in dedication to my son, this very difficult and perhaps harsh post is seeped in love but that love, well, it is tough love and it’s a strong love.

I can’t help you.

I can’t help you.  I’ve tried.  I’m always here to lend a helping hand, to support you when you need it, but I can’t actually do the work.  You need to do it.

I can’t help you.  I know money is tight and yet you still went on that vacation and you can’t stop shopping and you don’t put boundaries in place.  It’s never too late to save and it’s never too late to protect your future self.

I can’t help you.  I’m not sitting in that classroom and I don’t have homework and I didn’t lose my calculator but I can listen and help you find solutions so you can prevent those mistakes in the future.  The rest is up to you.

I can’t help you.  All children are born into this world naive and innocent.  If your child  is heading towards a wrong direction there’s only one person who can right that ship with boundaries and discipline and that’s you.  You are not helpless, you just need to pay more attention and do things that are uncomfortable.  There’s no magic to parenting, just a lot of hard work.,

I can’t help you.  We are all struggling with weight because we are in midlife and some of it is genetic but most of it is because we are indulging.  Alcohol, lunches, socializing, portions and lifestyle is what keeps people fat and unhealthy.  I can’t help you.  I’m trying to take care of my own health.  I’m letting go of yours.

I can’t help you.  You hate your job and yet you don’t look for another one.  You wait and wait until you don’t have a choice and your money runs out.

I can’t help you.  I know you don’t feel good and yet you won’t go to the doctor or take care of yourself.  There is no one else to blame.

I can’t help you.  I’m a hot mess and am trying to make myself just a bit more tidy.  It’s an ongoing struggle but it’s my struggle.  I own it.

I can’t help you.  Help yourself.  The only person you can control is yourself.  Make sure what you’re addressing in your life is a problem and not an excuse or justification.

If you face something that you can’t control I will be there in a heartbeat.  I will always listen and lift you up……

But the other stuff?  The challenges that you face that you yourself have contributed to?

I can’t help you.  I know someone who can.  Look in the mirror.  You can do it. Go forth and do it and I will support you.

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One thought on “I can’t help you.

  1. Sharon Ellis McCuistian

    This is so good and so true. I know many parents who find themselves in the same situation! I always tell people that one day it dawned on me that I couldn’t live my son’s life for him. I could barely live mine. How did I think I could live mine and his? It is such a hard thing to do, but I agree with you, you have to do it. Your son will be better for it too!! Many blessings to you!

    Reply

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