Missing you.

I am missing you.  When I look down at my aging hands I see you.  I remember sitting next to you on the sofa, tracing the veins on your hands and thinking that your skin was beautiful and soft while you knew that your skin looked thinner and more frail.  Now you are gone but I hold you close by looking at my own hands.  I am missing you but I still have my memories.  Thank you for all of the joy and lessons and love that you have given me.

I am missing you.  I remember when you were a small child and adored me.  You don’t adore me to that extent any longer.  You’ve become an independent, strong, young man with your own thoughts, opinions and personality.  I am missing being needed even though I know I am loved.  I hope that you will not judge me so harshly like kids are prone to do.  I was imperfect while you were perfect.  I did my best and you have made me a better person for all of the smiles, the sickness, the teenage angst and the challenges that have come with growing up.  I love you.

I am missing you.  I see an uncertain future.  No longer can you neglect your health.   I am missing you before I need to because I see what you do not.  I see your tired heart and lungs, your weary heart and mind and the abuse your body has taken from years of neglect.  I mourn you before it is time because I do not see a future with you in it.  I hope you prove me wrong.  One day we must all say goodbye but we should not speed up that clock.

I am missing you.  We have separated and have gone different paths.  Deep inside my heart I know that we have both learned valuable lessons from our friendship but we also know it was not meant to be.  The beautiful thing about aging is that you constantly grow and sometimes you grow apart.  It is what it is.  I miss the days of youth but would never go back to them. Sometimes it is the same for friendships.  They are not meant to be revisited.  I wish you well my friend.

I am missing you.  The days of my youth when I would sing in my family’s car on a road trip and imagine I was flying through the air.   Lazy days by the pool and Italian ice with wooden spoons. Ice cream trucks, parks, little league games and Charlie’s Angels trading cards.  Eighties music, the first boxes of mac and cheese that we thought were actually healthy and Saturday morning cartoons, the only time when a kid could watch cartoons.  Joy came easy.  Today I make my own joy, I work at it and pay attention.

I am missing you but you are all woven inside the fabric of my being.  The lessons, the laughter, the joy, the heartache and all of those experiences have brought me to this road.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Yes I am missing you but more than that, I am celebrating the gifts you have given me.  I hope you can say the same when you think of me.

3 thoughts on “Missing you.

  1. Katrina

    When I think of you, our memories warm my heart, we might not talk or see each other often, but anytime we talk, it seems like I saw you yesterday! I am blessed to have you in my and my sons lives!


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