If motherhood was officially a position in a company I would be so fired right now. I blame the Cold Miser. That mofo is blowing wind and snow dust outside of my window. It’s at the point where I’ve baked so many snow-inspired chocolate chip cookies that Nestle wants me to start recycling their chip bags so I can save the planet.
This is no longer fun. I didn’t sign up to live in New England. I live in Virginia and Virginia is for lovers and not for haters. I’m no longer feeling the love Virginia! I’m feeling cold, lazy, lethargic and unproductive. It is at the point where, for my own sanity, I sit at home staring at the walls and drooling ALL day so that I have enough energy to deal with the minions when they return home after school.
Yesterday my first grader took two hours to do his word study and yet I was still able to cook dinner. KAPOW! Take that Cold Miser! He did most of this upside down, a sharp scissor in his hand within inches of my leather chair. He is brave and he is fierce and so am I. Don’t judge me people. This next picture is Max continuing his word study….or not. “What are you doing Max?” I said in a very calm and loving voice. “I’m a NINJA, am I good at sneaking?” said my young, procrastinating ninja man.
He did manage to sneak all the way back to his chair and we eventually finished homework and even read a book. OK that makes me sound better than I actually am. He read a book….on his computer program. Then he disappeared into electronic gadget land while I whipped up some lomein from a frozen packet and made a steak salad for my husband and I. We also opened a bottle of wine, finished it and put the children to bed past their bedtime. Look, It I’m at a point where if my children are still hungry I will supplement with a bowl of ice cream. It’s not pretty.
This past weekend it was SPRING! I called my friend and exclaimed “I AM A GOOD MOM TODAY, I SENT MY CHILDREN OUTSIDE!” She laughed because she could relate even though she has triple the energy and drive than I. I blame this on her tenacity at the gym. Quick shout out to all of you gym rats and triathletes…one day I will grow up and will still want to be you. I read an article about a woman who started running at the age of 56 so I still have time.
Of course it doesn’t help my motivation or lack thereof that I got a second dog. I LOVE my little puppy but I didn’t realize that I would be potty training her in the middle of the tundra. Try to get a tiny puppy to pee every two hours in the wet cold snow and see how motivated YOU are! To top it all off she’s allergic to her vaccinations. This means that after a visit to the vet she stays up all night with severe diarrhea.
You know what though? I am grateful. I am loved, and I am blessed. I am now going to get going today, go buy some real food, walk the puppy in the snow tundra and mentally prepare for the return of my little minions. Thank God my husband and my children don’t do performance appraisals.