Monthly Archives: September 2017

Missing you.

I am missing you.  When I look down at my aging hands I see you.  I remember sitting next to you on the sofa, tracing the veins on your hands and thinking that your skin was beautiful and soft while you knew that your skin looked thinner and more frail.  Now you are gone but I hold you close by looking at my own hands.  I am missing you but I still have my memories.  Thank you for all of the joy and lessons and love that you have given me.

I am missing you.  I remember when you were a small child and adored me.  You don’t adore me to that extent any longer.  You’ve become an independent, strong, young man with your own thoughts, opinions and personality.  I am missing being needed even though I know I am loved.  I hope that you will not judge me so harshly like kids are prone to do.  I was imperfect while you were perfect.  I did my best and you have made me a better person for all of the smiles, the sickness, the teenage angst and the challenges that have come with growing up.  I love you.

I am missing you.  I see an uncertain future.  No longer can you neglect your health.   I am missing you before I need to because I see what you do not.  I see your tired heart and lungs, your weary heart and mind and the abuse your body has taken from years of neglect.  I mourn you before it is time because I do not see a future with you in it.  I hope you prove me wrong.  One day we must all say goodbye but we should not speed up that clock.

I am missing you.  We have separated and have gone different paths.  Deep inside my heart I know that we have both learned valuable lessons from our friendship but we also know it was not meant to be.  The beautiful thing about aging is that you constantly grow and sometimes you grow apart.  It is what it is.  I miss the days of youth but would never go back to them. Sometimes it is the same for friendships.  They are not meant to be revisited.  I wish you well my friend.

I am missing you.  The days of my youth when I would sing in my family’s car on a road trip and imagine I was flying through the air.   Lazy days by the pool and Italian ice with wooden spoons. Ice cream trucks, parks, little league games and Charlie’s Angels trading cards.  Eighties music, the first boxes of mac and cheese that we thought were actually healthy and Saturday morning cartoons, the only time when a kid could watch cartoons.  Joy came easy.  Today I make my own joy, I work at it and pay attention.

I am missing you but you are all woven inside the fabric of my being.  The lessons, the laughter, the joy, the heartache and all of those experiences have brought me to this road.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Yes I am missing you but more than that, I am celebrating the gifts you have given me.  I hope you can say the same when you think of me.

I can’t help you.

During the last six months I’ve made some tough parenting decisions.  Those decisions were incredibly difficult and uncomfortable.  I put some serious boundaries in place with one of my sons..  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I had to tell him that I couldn’t help him anymore, that he completely owned his life and that I was done and was letting go.

He was crushed.  I was devastated. 

And he did it.  He helped himself.  I didn’t enable him any longer and he understood that it was time to love and care for himself and his future.  So in dedication to my son, this very difficult and perhaps harsh post is seeped in love but that love, well, it is tough love and it’s a strong love.

I can’t help you.

I can’t help you.  I’ve tried.  I’m always here to lend a helping hand, to support you when you need it, but I can’t actually do the work.  You need to do it.

I can’t help you.  I know money is tight and yet you still went on that vacation and you can’t stop shopping and you don’t put boundaries in place.  It’s never too late to save and it’s never too late to protect your future self.

I can’t help you.  I’m not sitting in that classroom and I don’t have homework and I didn’t lose my calculator but I can listen and help you find solutions so you can prevent those mistakes in the future.  The rest is up to you.

I can’t help you.  All children are born into this world naive and innocent.  If your child  is heading towards a wrong direction there’s only one person who can right that ship with boundaries and discipline and that’s you.  You are not helpless, you just need to pay more attention and do things that are uncomfortable.  There’s no magic to parenting, just a lot of hard work.,

I can’t help you.  We are all struggling with weight because we are in midlife and some of it is genetic but most of it is because we are indulging.  Alcohol, lunches, socializing, portions and lifestyle are what keeps people fat and unhealthy.  I can’t help you.  I’m trying to take care of my own health.  I’m letting go of yours.

I can’t help you.  You hate your job and yet you don’t look for another one.  You wait and wait until you don’t have a choice and your money runs out.

I can’t help you.  I know you don’t feel good and yet you won’t go to the doctor or take care of yourself.  There is no one else to blame.

I can’t help you.  I’m a hot mess and am trying to make myself just a bit more tidy.  It’s an ongoing struggle but it’s my struggle.  I own it.

I can’t help you.  Help yourself.  The only person you can control is yourself.  Make sure what you’re addressing in your life is a problem and not an excuse or justification.

If you face something that you can’t control I will be there in a heartbeat.  I will always listen and lift you up……

But the other stuff?  The challenges that you face that you yourself have contributed to?

I can’t help you.  I know someone who can.  Look in the mirror.  You can do it. Go forth and do it and I will support you.