Many moms stop working for their kids, but I stopped working because I fell apart and couldn’t balance. I couldn’t get rid of the kids so the job had to go. For me, my decision to resign was about self-preservation and my mental load.
This decision also brought me to a suprising realization; the moment I truly committed to my husband wasn’t on my wedding day. This is my second marriage, and those of us who belong to the divorce club tend to be more skeptical and cautious in our love lives. I didn’t realize I was “all-in” after the birth of our children either. Actually, the moment I truly committed to my husband was the day I quit my job. Giving up my financial independence was equivalent to a bad bungie jump. In retrospect, I don’t think I would have resigned if I had more support from my manager.
Career
My marketing career was solid. I started working in the wireless industry when it was in its infancy for a very intense start-up. My colleagues and I worked very long hours, hopped on planes to deliver customer proposals and burned ourselves out on a weekly basis. Youth was the number one trait to survive in that kind of high fast-paced environment.
I went through a painful divorce and started my journey as a single mom. After several years and two companies later, I found myself working for a telecom giant, managing one of their product division’s international marketing teams. I was at the right place at the right time. I was one of the lucky ones.
Second Marriage
Next, a second chance at love. One workaholic met another workaholic and fell in love. He didn’t seem me coming. Dating and later marrying a single mom wasn’t on his bingo card. Sometimes men have this idyllic vision of how life goes. My husband will tell you today, that he is so happy that he didn’t try to go by some limited view of life. It’s a good thing too!
My Decision to Resign
Within four years I found myself raising three sons, and traveling internationally almost every week. I was an exhausted, putting everyone’s needs ahead of my own. On one particular tiring morning, I pulled into the company parking lot and cried. I called my husband and told him that I was resigning that very day. He later told me that my tone told him that something serious shifted. Usually he will comment or try to talk to me about situations but he knew that silence was the only answer. I went all-in on my marriage. Why would I say that? There’s a large amount of trust that comes with giving up your financial independence. It can especially be scary for a woman who has been through a divorce. The decision to quit my job was overwhelming
Cutting Finances to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
We then focused on organizing our finances and cutting back on all luxuries. The kids left daycare. I cut our normal phone service and we subscribed to a cheaper alternative. The dials on the air-conditioning and heater were turned down to conserve energy. Somehow we managed on his salary alone, and it was tough but we did it. Even today, my former colleagues don’t know how painful that decision was for us.
The Grass Wasn’t So Green
It wasn’t raindrops and roses for me. The first two years I felt absolutely lost, feeling as if I had lost my identity. Former colleagues started betting on how long it would take for me to return to work. As I got more and more involved with stay-at-home parenting, I started to realize how much my sons needed me. Kindergarten playdates, challenges at school, and volunteer work started to fall into place. I was a slow learner, but the experience has taught me to respect the hard work of all kinds of moms. At the same time I realize how very fortunate I am to have had that choice. Much love to those of you who work so hard to make ends meet. I’ve been there.
The Start of Blogging and Current Situation
As my children aged, there were times when I felt depressed and lost. The blog helped in early years and I took some consulting work part-time. I’ve been on a journey to redefine and create a new normal, now that it looks like my career as a stay-at-home mother is soon ending. Isn’t change what l life is about? We are meant to adapt, change and grow and this stage of my life is no different.
This is my mid-life. I’m kind of enjoying the moment. I’m practicing what I call conscious living, making every single day count.
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