Last night I helped my son post a picture on his blog page that he writes for his English class. He needed to learn how to post a picture of our lackluster gingerbread house. Martha Stewart and I could never be friends. The roof to the house kept sliding off and I could not figure out how to make that darn thing stick. My brother, much like our father and his love for duct tape, decided that the solution was to prop the roof up with pretzel sticks. VOILA! Problem solved!
As I was going through the images from my son’s computer to find the pretzel gingerbread house, I came across a picture of me. I was smiling, hugging my youngest child, not worrying about how I looked, or the fact that my stomach was sticking out or the fact that my shirt and sweatpants were too tight. You heard me, my sweatpants were too tight! Not realizing that this was a teachable moment, I gasped in horror at the picture and started to obsess in front of my poor eleven year old. Sometimes I really suck at motherhood. I quietly deleted the picture as my son looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.
I then went downstairs to my own computer to view flattering pictures of myself. I also started searching the internet for articles on middle age and weight loss. I wish I was kidding but I’m not. The fact of the matter is, I obsess about my body image and it’s stupid and messed up and tiring. To add insult to injury I’ve been sick and sedentary for three months and am just now getting back into a routine to get healthy. So it’s just all kind of a mess at the moment. My body and mind are a bit jumbled and I’m working hard to get back on track. What else is new….
As I was obsessing, my son quietly entered the room. He then proceeded to play Bruno Mars “Just the Way You Are.” MY SON DID THIS. Some lucky woman’s future husband did this! He then told me that everything that makes a mom beautiful was inside of me. I was perfectly made for him and whenever he looks at me he sees beauty. Then he wiped a tear from his eye and I hugged him so tight and couldn’t, I just couldn’t let him go.
Computer shut. Ryan became the pretzel beams and held me up while reminding me what is truly important. My goal is to live my life in a more balanced manner. I want to be my very best and help make the world a better place. My challenge is to turn some of that intent and love in towards myself. Balance…it’s not only for gymnasts. I have a lot of work to do.