Love….don’t follow your heart.

heartandmindA letter on love.

I am so proud of you.  You are incredibly strong, kind and ambitious.  Everyone who meets you is affected by your lively spirit, your infectious smile and your empathy for others. Throughout the years you have come to me for help with your homework, advice on friends, and on decisions that were big and small.  Sometimes you took my advice and sometimes you did not.

However, now I have something so important to say to you that I have written it down and have printed it out.   As you go through life and encounter those who would seek your heart, please remember this:

Follow your heart in many of your endeavors, but not in your love life.  When it comes to affairs of the heart, it is critical to make sure that your heart gets an agreement from your head. Your head, your intuition, that little voice that speaks to you in times of need… not let your heart silence that voice.  TRUST your head and then and only then….let your heart follow.

Love is a powerful emotion.  Some people have the capacity to love with all of their hearts and some people simply do not.  You are a giver….beware of those who would take, take and then take again.  Love, respect, patience, and empathy are all traits that are interwoven.  Selfishness, dishonesty, abuse and fear are also traits that are interwoven.  My own mother used to tell me that if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck….it’s a duck.  Do not deny what your head knows to be true.

  • Love does not separate you from your family or friends.
  • Love does not use the words “I love you but….”
  • Love does not make you feel sick, guilty or shameful.
  • Love is not a liar or a cheater or an abuser.
  • Love does not put you down.
  • Love is more than pretty words, it requires consistency and positive actions.
  • Love does not require that you try more or jump through circus hoops.
  • Love does not require you to change.  Not your religion, not your hair, not your weight and not anything about you.  You are perfect.

When you start to date someone BELIEVE him or her when they tell you who they are.  Find someone who deserves to be with you.  It is much easier to break up with someone who tells you that you are not good enough after one week, than it is to divorce someone who has convinced you that you are unworthy for years.   LISTEN to your head and let your heart then follow.

One former DUCK in my life gave this advice to me after our breakup.  He said:  “Every woman who ever suspected me of cheating was 100% correct.  What I have found absolutely fascinating is my ability to get them to doubt themselves.  Women are really good at ignoring their intuition and I think that’s just crazy….I mean, God gave you all a gift and you don’t use it!”

QUACK!  Ducks do exist.

Be RESPONSIBLE with your own heart!  Only you can make smart decisions.  Choose wisely.  No choice is too small.  You deserve to find someone as wonderful as you.  As you begin to date, listen to your head and then and only then, let your heart follow.   One week with the wrong person can easily turn into a trap of your own making.

Be responsible with your heart because you deserve the best.






7 thoughts on “Love….don’t follow your heart.

  1. AnnMarie

    Yup.. my Dad gave me the “Duck” line also….very wise…hopefully the next generation will listen. Love the writing Lo!

  2. Cassidy

    This should be on middle school and high school walls yes, but also bar walls. Because I am 37 years old and all this was only recently acquired knowledge. Like 4 years ago at most. This is from a blog I wrote yesterday, and it was unfortunately well into my adult years:

    “I once loved someone so much that the world fell away around us every time we were together. Other people became a supporting cast in a world that starred only us. It felt like our connection was in our DNA, inevitable and permanent and binding. I felt chosen, like one of the few who would ever know a love this deep. Even when life kept us thousands of miles from each other, it felt like it didn’t matter, it was only a matter of time before gravity brought us together again. I would have never given him up for anything, anymore than I would have given up breathing. Until he hit me. I never wanted us to end, I never wanted to have to settle for less than all-consuming, shut-the-rest-of-the-world-out, insane love. I would have done anything, given anything, tolerated anything changed anything I had to in order to keep him. But not that. Maybe anything but that. He hit me and the ground opened up beneath me and I wanted to die. I literally did not want to live a world where I couldn’t live with him, but also couldn’t live without him. It was agonizing to get back up, and I realized when I finally did, that I had no idea who I was anymore. My whole identity had been intertwined with him, and it felt as though I was left standing with absolutely nothing. The very thing I treasured above all else in the world was stripped away from me, and that was the best thing to ever happen to me. It hurt more than I can even describe and I wasn’t even sure I would survive, but I did. When I think of it now, I can still feel the edges of my soul giving in to pain, but more than that, MUCH more than that, I feel so grateful to have fallen so hard. That hole that swallowed me up was God’s rescue mission and absolutely everything he plans works out. Everything.”

    1. Rainey Post author

      Thanks for the comment! I just stopped by your blog and had to literally laugh out loud at some of your stories about your son recently. Been there! Regarding this love lesson…we have got to teach our children…it does matter! They matter!


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