A midlife review of Fabletics and MyFitness Pal.

7339camel_toe

That’s a camel toe. What were you thinking?

After ankle surgery and during the last year of sedentary bliss, I put on quite a bit of weight.  The party is over.   It is now time to face the truth and get back into shape.  So, just like I used to purchase many exercise videos when I was in my twenties and sat on the couch to watch them, I joined Fabletics and logged back onto MyFitnessPal.

First a story about Fabletics.  The spokesperson for Fabletics is the beautiful, thin, blonde daughter of Goldie Hawn, none other than Kate Hudson.  Hi Kate!  I’m sure you’ll never read this so here I go!  Fabletics offers you a VIP membership and charges you around $49.95 a month so  you can purchase really great gym clothes at a discount!  The only problem is that if you forget to use your money, you still get charged and you accumulate membership credits.  This is what happened to me recently.  Currently I have about $149 in unspent credits.

Cute shirt right? The entire back is black mesh! Cute for Zombie Barbie but not for me!

Cute shirt right? The entire back is black mesh! Cute for Zombie Barbie but not for me!

I have never worn an item that I have purchased from Fabletics.  I am not their target audience and I am not much of a California VIP girl.    I’m just that wannabe.   In fact, the first shirt that I purchased I gave to one of my best friends for her daughter to wear on Halloween.  She went as Zombie Barbie.  Bad decision on my part, to become a member of a bubbly thin person’s club and so I went online to rectify the situation.  Unfortunately there is no online option to cancel and therefore I had to come out of my hermit shell and actually place a phone call.  The call went something like this.  Que sickening bubbly cheerful voice.

“Hello and thank you for calling Fabletics!  My name is Anna and I’ll be your Fabletics consultant!  I understand complete sentences.  So talk to me like a person!  What can I do for you today!”

Oh great.  A computer.  OK I can roll with this I thought.  I can punch in some numbers and cancel my account.  No problem!  Well that’s not how it went.  After unsuccessfully trying to look up two of my phone numbers, Anna wanted my name spelled out.  Success, she had my account!  Anna then asked me what I wanted.  As soon as I told her I wanted to cancel my account, Anna transferred my call to a human being.

Great.

Oh and I thought Anna was bubbly!  The next voice that greeted me made Anna sound like Morticia!  After telling the human Anna that I wanted to cancel my account she has this amazing reply for me.  “That makes me sad.”  SAD?  SAD?  I had a thousand replies in my head but this poor little girl didn’t deserve any of them so I held my tongue.  She next informed me that I had unspent credits and I should use them first before canceling.  I acknowledged the credits and then I realized she wasn’t going to cancel my account!  WAIT WAIT WAIT!  “You are going to cancel my account aren’t you?”  My sweet little consultant came back and said that I should really use my credits to get the discount and cancel at a later date.  I repeated that I would like to CANCEL my account.  She replied “Well that really does make me sad, may I ask why you want to cancel?

This was my response:  “I don’t like any of your clothes.  Every single thing you sell is tight, your shirts are short in length and I’m not into showing my camel toe.  Fabletics is just not for me!

Silence.

Account canceled.

So in summary, Fabletics has some wonderful leggings and short shirts.  They also have shirts with open backs that show your back fat.  Their VIP program is for suckers.  There’s one born every day including me.  If you don’t live in California and don’t have the body you had back in high school then it’s probably not for you.  That’s my review on Fabletics.

Now for MyFitnessPal.  I love this little program/app/calorie counter!  However the trick is not to lie to yourself.  If you lie to yourself the app renames itself “MyFatnessPal.”  Hmmm…I ate a piece of chocolate cake…chocolate cake…chocolate cake and then I scroll down to all of the calorie choices and choose the one that says I had one bite instead of twenty and therefore I only consumed 50 calories.

I got news for you.  You do not lose weight this way.  It’s like watching Jane Fonda on an old exercise video while eating chocolate chip cookies with your mom.  True story.  We did that and laughed maniacally in the process.  It also happens to be one of my fondest memories.  So my review of MyFitnessPal?  If used correctly you will lose weight.  The application demands accountability and discipline and I absolutely need that in my life right now.  So far I’ve lost about four pounds by being honest and logging everything I eat.  Since all of my weight is in my face I’m already looking lean and mean.

I’ve also already eaten all of my calories for the day.  Later I may just start to get Hangry.  That’s when you are angry because you are hungry.  I love that word.  Webster needs to add it.  Are you using MyFitnessPal?  Look for me and friend me!    My username is Raineyva and just mention the blog.  We can do this!  In big t-shirts and sweats!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “A midlife review of Fabletics and MyFitness Pal.

  1. Karen Wenner Curran via Facebook

    That is awesome! Love your humor and honesty. I used to use my fitness pal and had the same dilemma – how bad do I lie so that I have enough calories left for my evening wine? I actually lost 12 pounds with the 21 day fix and have kept it off – totally recommend it!

    Reply
  2. Brenda, your biggest fan

    I love you girl! Your honesty is so refreshing and delivered in such a humorous way. And I promise I will be joining you on myfitnesspal right after the holidays! We CAN do this and we will!

    Reply

Leave a Reply