Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

beautifulOne day at a party surrounded by friends, one of them turned to me and said  “you really need to wax your mustache, that drives me crazy.”  My face immediately flushed as I held back the tears that threatened to release into my eyes.  I laughed the hurtful and embarrassing comment off, using humor to deflect, when another woman in the group then said “oh and cut your hair, I can’t stand when women don’t maintain their hairstyles.”

The interesting part of this exchange is that both of these women were beautiful and although I’m no shrinking violet myself, I am, in most cases, the low maintenance gal in the group.  Clothes, makeup, shopping, manicures, pedicures, spa treatments, waxing, massages….they are just not a priority in my life.  Do I tend to engage in some of these activities from time  to time? Absolutely.  However, sometimes I swear I could run through the Shire with my hobbit feet!  My children, my books, learning, exploring, my friendships, my marriage, nature and love are the interests in my life.  I also cherish my alone time, perhaps unusually so, and I don’t apologize for preferring my own company over other’s.

Why did my friends need to call attention to these perceived flaws?  I have a theory and it has to do with just letting my beautiful shine.   I try not to measure myself against superficial rules.  By all intents and purposes we were having a nice conversation, drinking a glass of wine and simply chatting about unrelated topics.  To say I was embarrassed and hurt is an understatement and the pack mentality behind the comments felt even worse.  Have you ever been in this situation?  How did you handle it?  I handled it by smiling and by waiting them out.  The conversation inevitably led to other topics besides my imperfections and the party went on.

I would be lying to you if I didn’t admit visiting the salon the following week, but to be honest I also couldn’t change who I am at the core even if I wanted to.   The need to tear another woman down is an obvious and blatant inability to handle ones own insecurities.  Even in my forties I would use one word to describe that exchange; bullying.  Those women lost something that day, they lost my respect and trust, and that takes a very long time to earn back.

Can you imagine a bunch of guys, sitting around drinking beer and participating in an exchange like this?  The words would probably be uttered but in a jovial manner as they proudly displayed their own faults.  This is why they think we are CRAZY ladies!  We actually take this crap seriously!

The women I surround myself on a daily basis are women whose hearts shine through their actions, they are women who have smiles that light up their faces, women that hold their friends up instead of cutting them down.  They are real.  They are beautiful.  They are strong.  They are confident.   They are true.


Food for thought.  You may not participate in this type of blatant bullying, but the words we also say to each other in confidence about one another also matter.  We women express our emotions all the time, we voice our concerns, we mention a particular scenario and occasionally hash things out, but this is much different from blatant and malicious intent.  No one is perfect and occasionally we hurt each other with words, but beautiful is saying you are sorry.  If you find that a person in your life constantly makes you sad or hurts you then you need to let them go with love and kindness.

To have good friends you need to be a good friend.  I have many friends but only a handful of true and beautiful ones.  What is beauty anyway?  Beauty is the courage to let your inner light shine.  Be your own kind of beautiful and just shine.

19 thoughts on “Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

  1. Carla Grillo

    It’s refreshing to hear this because I think many of us feel this way. If we think about the times we’ve been around someone like this, we discover that it made us suddenly self-conscious, and begin to pay attention to what these people do and think, so as not to do anything “wrong” that this person would notice. When we get caught up in that kind of drama, and we act a certain way so the person won’t criticize us, we allow them to pull us off our own path and drain our energy because we begin to judge ourselves by what that person thinks. What a waste of energy. And they go around sucking people’s energy up like Hoovers for a laugh or a minute in the spotlight. Well, I say it feels so much better to feel the glow of a beautiful light from within. Let nobody who dims this light allow to do so twice. Surround yourself with other glowing lights and shine so brightly that people like this have to sit by and squint! Thanks for the uplifting blog Lorraine! Any friend of Nancy D’s is a friend of mine!

    1. Rainey Post author

      Thanks Carla, what an insightful comment! What struck me here is that I did let the comments affect me, going to the salon in order to avoid further criticism. It’s that little whisper in your heart that says “am I good enough?” I agree, to surround ourselves with other glowing lights is the key! Have a wonderful day!

  2. Gina

    To my true and beautiful friend! Keep up the amazing writing Lorraine! Can’t wait to spend a girls weekend with you and some amazing friends we have!

  3. Ann Marie

    you are absolutely right when you say that people who do this have their own insecurities.. and in my opinion, to do this in front of a whole pack of women indicates that they were ALL JEALOUS!!! & INGNORANT…. They could STILL see that you were MORE beautiful than them!!! that’s why other women cut women down. IT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE JEALOUS OF WHAT THEY PERCIEVE THEY DON’T HAVE! You are one gorgeous beauty with the most tourmaline green eyes I have ever seen! Black hair to contrast with milky skin.. .so rare….

    and I have been in this situation, and have turned to my so called friends at the time and said,
    ” well I’m not on this earth to please you!” “what you see is what you get”!

    Needless to say I don’t get invited to any more of their parties & I am soooo glad! Who want’s to be around people who don’t like you. whether its because of the way you look or your personality. I say screw em! you have more important things to do than to worry about what others think. Especially when you are the most beautiful & smartest person in the room….

    Surround yourself with those who do lift you up… and have the same core values & priorities as you..

    p.s. Love the Gloria Steinheim quote!


  4. Katrina

    Sitting here with tears running down my face for two reasons, one because you are amazingly beautiful inside and out, and didn’t deserve that….and two, because I KNOW that pain, been there more times then I would like to admit, and it did effect me, to my core, and I introverted from spending time with friends, or meeting new ones. It took a lot of time to realize that I am a good person with a good heart, and beautiful on the inside, there are many days that I have to remind myself…………………..Love you my very amazing friend, I agree with Ann Marie, and in reading her post, she MUST be from NY!!!!!!! We are fighters, and no matter what others say, we will always win in our hearts!

    I commend you for writing these amazing blogs and sharing your deep thoughts and memories with us, not everyone can do this, it takes someone very special, and more then you know, you are touching the lives of MANY!!!

    1. Rainey Post author

      I know you have been through this Katrina, more than anyone should. You are incredibly beautiful and giving and I am so thankful to call you a friend.

  5. Ann Marie

    When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

    Erma Bombeck!

  6. Margie

    Well done Lorraine! I think it’s strange that often women do not celebrate other women’s successes but are quick to tear each other down. I usually write it off to insecurity in that women look at another’s accomplishments as an indictment on their own lack of success. Of course it’s not and we need to celebrate each other every chance we get.


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