This week was a tough parenting week. Worst week ever! My motherhood crown flew off my head. I handed in my trophy and went into a corner to wallow in cluelessness and self-pity. Teaching my sons to be kind is something I’m proud of, but forgetting to also teach them not to do so at their own expense, was a big mistake. My weakest personality trait reared its ugly head. The people pleaser in me served a nice big cup of wake the hell up coffee. This is not a lesson to teach your kids, but here I was, guiding them in the wrong direction.
What is a People Pleaser?
Being a people pleaser may mean you are being kind at the expense of yourself. You’re the one who will run an errand for someone even though you don’t have the time. It’s about being the giver in a friendship that only takes. There are many signs that you are a people pleaser and ways to stop in this article. I highly recommend taking a look at this link so you can show yourself more compassion.
Seeing the Good but Ignoring the Bad
I tend to only see the good in people. ALWAYS. I’m the girl who dated guys that were bad for her because, well, there were good moments too. Even if there’s a lot of negativity in a friendship, I’ll ignore it for the few positive traits in that same friendship. I’m the person who will put herself last and put others first even when they absolutely don’t deserve it. As an optimist, I’ll take on too much and will put others needs first before my own.
When I was younger, my mom told me that sometimes people are just not good for you. In fact, I’ve given her that advice also. Why would I not listen to my own advice? I have now taught my children to see the goodness in everyone and it’s blowing up in my face. When you don’t teach your children to hold others accountable for their actions or inaction, you are invalidating their worth. One of my children faced the truth about a friend and his story is here and it’s a good post about being honest with yourself on friendship.
Invalidating Your Worth
The truth is that not all people are not good for you. Some people are selfish and may not share the same values. Going into a situation and automatically believing that someone who has already let you down over and over will change or switch gears is just a fantasy. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s a duck. No it’s not a prince or a friend, it’s a damn duck.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
So I have reversed course a bit with the kids. Be kind but be kind to yourself and others. Forgive those who want to be forgiven, not the person who will take a dump on you again. Set boundaries! Don’t sacrifice yourself to save someone else. YOU ARE WORTHY of all the love and support and friendship life has to offer and YOU CAN BE PICKY about who you give your own love and time and support to. STOP wasting time with people who take take take and then take again. You know who your true friends are so stop wasting time with the ones that just don’t matter.
Mic drop.
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