I feel a little bit nervous for my son Max this morning. He’s in fifth grade and he’s a young fifth grader. I don’t want my anxiety to dull his shine. At this age, my other two sons were growing into their pre-teen status and were transitioning from the magic of childhood to the realities of more homework and new social norms. Not Max. The world is full of magic and possibility and I love this about him and also fear for him.
A School Project
Yesterday, he video taped himself making a news presentation for his class. The children have a choice, they may create a Powerpoint presentation on a current event in the class or send in a video. He wanted to create a video. Sitting at his father’s desk , he started his newscast:“This is Max Lundqvist with Lundqvist news. I have an intriguing adventure story for you today. A snow leopard fell off a cliff BOOM and survived!” I was bursting with pride as my son’s smile and shine lit up the room.
Yes, he used special effects, his tone was excited, quirky and engaging. He had the time of his life and even signed off the video by saying Adieu! ADIEU! What kid says Adieu? I’ll tell you what kid, a kid who reads all the time and is not afraid to be himself. My first reaction was pride and my second reaction was to worry about what the other kids would think. I sent the video to my husband who was simply thrilled that his son has inherited his presentation skills. This is not my first rodeo and I suspect that this video that Max is so proud of may be very different from the presentations that have been done so far. Kids start to quiet their inner personalities to avoid ridicule. Why should we dull our shine?
Pajama Day At School
Last night Max told me he also wanted to wear pajamas to school. If you pledged a small donation for the school Fun Run then you could wear pajamas.I made the donation and he happily put on his pajamas and we went to the bus stop. Not one child was in pajamas. Not one. Max had his pajamas on AND his Chewbacca hoodie.
I drove home and sat down at my computer to write and reflect. Although I encouraged him this morning to be himself, celebrate his creative spirit and be unapologetic for his uniqueness, I have a pit in my stomach. This is not allowed. We are told to conform to social norms and kids are punished and bullied for their differences. Even when those kids grow up to be adults, many of them conform and focus on not standing out.
Why Do We Try to Conform?
It makes me mad. I see parents who have gifted kids, who are not very academic and yet, their friends make fun of them. In an effort to protect themselves these very same kids hide their talents, talents that may take them really far in life. They dull their shine. I know kids who love nature, paint, play music and celebrate the wonders around them but can’t sit still in class. They are labeled and flattened and scolded and told to burn less brightly.
Why do we try to quiet the future leaders of our world? As their parents we need to stop being afraid. We need to celebrate our kids and help make them more resilient. In addition, we need to also push back on other parents and their snide comments and judgmental bullshit. Don’t dull my kid’s shine.
And don’t dull your shine either. Be true to yourself.
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