The Discontent of Midlife.

The last six months have been strange one as I struggle with midlife discontent. I’ve been a bit reclusive, a bear to live with, and I’ve been just existing, almost floating through my days. There are different reasons for this feeling of discontent including age and every single other thing I have absolutely no control over. I’ve researched anxiety and depression and have spent hours re-evaluating my life and my choices. I feel like a rickety boat that has sprung several leaks. I’m pretty sure that my years of being an insanely busy stay-at-home mom are over and it’s time to look at new opportunities. What should I dedicate my time to? Should I revisit my career? Volunteer more of my time? Write a book?

Am I Enough?

I think my brain has been working on this “problem” for some time now. Consequently, yesterday I realized that I need to practice gratitude. Maybe I don’t have to look for my next big thing? Is it enough to simply be grateful and happy? Maybe it’s time to be kinder to myself and work on self acceptance and practice grace for the phase of life I find myself in? How many times do I need to tell myself this until I actually put it into practice?

Gratitude. Grateful to wake up to another beautiful day on this earth. Thankful for the friends and family who love me and whom I love in return. Grateful for the simple cup of coffee on my deck, the roof over my head and the health of my family. Perhaps I just need to practice gratitude more?

I’m not sure if this is the only answer.

Loneliness

I feel a bit lonely. My kids are so busy with school, their friends, and technology that they can go an entire day without saying two words to me. That’s a huge reality to face. I still have school aged children and yet, I know that in a couple of years the house will be quiet. I feel like I need to experience a paradigm shift in my life.

And while I’ve been writing all of this I’ve been shoving chocolate into my mouth and I’m ALLERGIC to chocolate and I’m starting to itch.

How do You Feel?

Does anyone feel this way? How do you accept the discontent of midlife?  How do you find meaning and purpose when the labels of career and mommy are not at the forefront of your mind any longer? I think, feel and worry too much. The years have passed and I am desperate to cling on to the rest of my possible future and am not quite sure how. I want to truly LIVE them and not just repeat what used to work. How can I redefine my new normal? I will let you know if I ever find out.

And how do you survive the midlife blues? One article here, suggests several books and perspectives that may help.