Aren’t We Twenty Still?
Is age the common denominator when you classify a midlife crisis? No! You may no longer be in your twenties but please do not stop acting like it! In your forties, you may start to feel differently and even witness odd behavior from peers. Let’s talk about this for a second. It takes time to figure out that you are in transition and how you deal with that will make a big difference. Welcome to midlife!
A Message for Men
Husbands. I’m talking to you. Your wife is experiencing strong hormonal shifts. This is no joke. She may think she’s fine but she’s not. Most doctors will shrug their shoulders when she complains about mood swings and weight gain. These same doctors will simply say “well you’re in midlife.” Then your wife may punch him in the throat and go to jail. Think back to her monthly cycles and multiply that by a thousand. She has been taken over by hormones. Some of us fair better than others, while others are making bad decisions, wearing our teenage daughter’s clothes or blaming you for just about everything. TREAD CAUTIOUSLY. Do not assume she is OK. In fact, she may need your support now more than ever. Little mole hills become colossal mountains. Around the ten year mark and everything will level out. She doesn’t need to go through a midlife crisis if she has your love and support.
A Message for Women
No they don’t understand. They didn’t understand when you were pregnant, ate the piece of cake, consumed copious amounts of chocolate or when you cried uncontrollably during that time of the month. They can’t understand because they don’t have our cray cray hormones and because they are freaks of nature who can eat a plate of spaghetti carbonara and actually LOSE weight. Find your sisters, your girlfriends, your first shelf friends, and talk about what you’re going through. Turn this around into an opportunity of self care! He’s also coping with changes, less hair, less libido and a stranger in the mirror. Agree to grow gracefully together. Communicate!
Fix Your Relationship NOW
Oh? You’re irritated with each other? Think about how you will feel about retiring together. This is your chance to enjoy the rest of your life. Get a life outside of your kids and your job. Now is the time for hobbies, for self acceptance, for tolerance and for love. Now is the time to get your shit together. No more excuses. Your libido is shot. I wasn’t going to go there but now I’ve decided to ignore my own advice. If you’re a woman I have good news. It may come back when you get the menopause stamp of approval. If you’re lucky enough to not have experienced this then all the more power to you. You are the exception to the rule. The hardest part is when couples aren’t in sync.
Is a Midlife Crisis Inevitable?
No, no and no. I think the term midlife crisis is a negative one and happens when you cling to the past instead of growing as a person. You may not look as young. Maybe you’re thin but your skin isn’t. Perhaps you’ve put on a couple of pounds. It’s no longer about looks or beauty or animal magnetism. Sorry…it’s not. Now it’s about your health. If you expect your spouse to look like Cindy Crawford or Brad Pitt, you are in for a rude awakening. Those days have passed and it is true that youth is wasted on the young. Find more love for what’s inside their hearts and stop focusing on wanting to keep him or her frozen in time. Give yourself permission to accept the “present” you.
Now Is The Time for Growth
Now is the time to get healthier. A midlife crisis happens when you desperately try to cling on to yesterday. Buying a new car won’t help you but exercise and good nutrition will. Yes I know that when you drink a glass of wine you now get an immediate headache. You’re pickled now. You may want to cut back. Your skin will thank you. Pick up the water. Drink it. Take walks. Play golf. Try yoga. Most importantly, please let go of the unreasonable expectations you have put on yourself and others.
Be kind to your friends and be less judgmental. They are struggling also. They are faced with the reality that many of us face, and that is that midlife is an opportunity or a curse. It is what you make of it. Reinvent yourself, honestly view the person you’ve become and not what who you used to be. Stop judging each other’s looks, weight, wallet and possessions. Self acceptance is beautiful. Start showing interest in doing something new and creative, learning a new skill and having a chance to breathe. Volunteer. Pass your wisdom down to your children and to others even when they don’t want to hear it. You’ve earned it.
New Responsibilities
Get ready to take care of your parents in the future. Think about how damn tired you are very day caring for your minions. They did that for you and your siblings. For that reason alone you do NOT get permission to slack on this responsibility. They are your parents and will need you. Pay them back for the love and support they so willingly gave you.
This is your reality check. You have transitioned whether you like it or not. Midlife is not a time of decline as we are told it should be. Grow into it and give yourself permission to make your life better. Denial….it’s not a river in Egypt. It’s not a crisis, it’s an opportunity and something to handle with grace, wisdom and intent!
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