Getting fired from motherhood, I blame the Cold Miser.

Taking one hour to cut out ten words.

Taking one hour to cut out ten words.

If motherhood was officially a position in a company I would be so fired right now.  I blame the Cold Miser.  That mofo is blowing wind and snow dust outside of my window.  It’s at the point where I’ve baked so many snow-inspired chocolate chip cookies that Nestle wants me to start recycling their chip bags so I can save the planet.

This is no longer fun.  I didn’t sign up to live in New England.  I live in Virginia and Virginia is for lovers and not for haters.  I’m no longer feeling the love Virginia!  I’m feeling cold, lazy, lethargic and unproductive.  It is at the point where, for my own sanity, I sit at home staring at the walls and drooling ALL day so that I have enough energy to deal with the minions when they return home after school.

Yesterday my first grader took two hours to do his word study and yet I was still able to cook dinner.  KAPOW!  Take that Cold Miser!  He did most of this upside down, a sharp scissor in his hand within inches of my leather chair.  He is brave and he is fierce and so am I.  Don’t judge me people.  This next picture is Max continuing his word study….or not.  “What are you doing Max?” I said in a very calm and loving voice.    “I’m a NINJA, am I good at sneaking?”  said my young, procrastinating ninja man.

Ninja moves

Ninja moves

He did manage to sneak all the way back to his chair and we eventually finished homework and even read a book.  OK that makes me sound better than I actually am.  He read a book….on his computer program.   Then he disappeared into electronic gadget land while I whipped up some lomein from a frozen packet and made a steak salad for my husband and I.  We also opened a bottle of wine, finished it and put the children to bed past their bedtime.  Look,  It I’m at a point where if my children are still hungry I will supplement with a bowl of ice cream.   It’s not pretty.

This past weekend it was SPRING!  I called my friend and exclaimed “I AM A GOOD MOM TODAY, I SENT MY CHILDREN OUTSIDE!”  She laughed because she could relate even though she has triple the energy and drive than I.  I blame this on her tenacity at the gym.  Quick shout out to all of you gym rats and triathletes…one day I will grow up and will still want to be you.  I read an article about a woman who started running at the age of 56 so I still have time.

Of course it doesn’t help my motivation or lack thereof that I got a second dog.  I LOVE my little puppy but I didn’t realize that I would  be potty training her in the middle of the tundra.  Try to get a tiny puppy to pee every two hours in the wet cold snow and see how motivated YOU are!  To top it all off she’s allergic to her vaccinations.   This means that after a visit to the vet she stays up all night with severe diarrhea.

You know what though?  I am grateful.  I am loved, and I am blessed. I am now going to get going today, go buy some real food, walk the puppy in the snow tundra and mentally prepare for the return of my little minions.   Thank God my husband and my children don’t do performance appraisals.

7 thoughts on “Getting fired from motherhood, I blame the Cold Miser.

  1. Katrina

    Loved this read, I think the cold and snow has gotten to everyone, when I hear snow, I pray Dear God, please make my kids go to school tomorrow, I can’t take another day at home, lol……and it is to the point that Sephy wakes up in the morning and first thing out of his mouth is “Do we have a 2 hour delay?!!”………..Mother nature needs to get out of menopause and bring on Spring! It is so very refreshing to know that there are other women out there who are going through something similar and that I am not just a crazy biyyyatchy mom!

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  2. Jenny Moore via Facebook

    This made me laugh! Definitely have had LOTS of those days…convinced myself I’d burn off all those loaves of banana bread I’ve been baking while staying warm, in the “tundra”. Lol!!!

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  3. Ann Marie

    This read was a laugh.. I needed it today. I love Katrina’s post of Mother Nature getting over menopause. She better do it quick!

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  4. DC

    Ah yes, motherhood…. Loved this…it made me happy, it made me laugh, it brought back memories…….wishing just one day back to kiss, to hug, to snuggle, to bake those cookies and to be sure that my brood knew how very much they were and are loved.

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