Pregnancy
I didn’t truly understand motherhood when I was pregnant. I was young, in my twenties, and thought that a sweet and cuddly little baby would be the perfect addition to our family. It was impossible to comprehend the reality of motherhood until I experienced absolute terror within just a few days of your birth. Breastfeeding was not working and you were failing to thrive. At that moment I understood that I had to trust the gift that God had given me, the gift that came in two forms, my own mother’s wisdom and my gut intuition. I let go of my own ego for the very first time (and the desire to breastfeed) for another human being and fed you formula. My tired and listless new son bounced back within hours and I learned a powerful lesson: You before me.
You Before Me
Motherhood is not about ego or perfection. It’s about doing the right thing even if it means that a piece of your ego is sacrificed. I don’t think that anyone can prepare you for this lifelong commitment to another human being.
Imperfect Mom Body
I was glowing when I was pregnant. The roundness of my perfect belly, the fullness of my breasts, and the beauty of pregnancy were something that surprised me. All eyes were on me at my baby shower. That all ended on the day of your birth!. The glow transformed to weariness, dark circles appeared under the eyes, extra skin on the tummy, and a body that served a new purpose, one that required softness and cushion to comfort and nourish a human being. You were the center of attention and that was OK. It still is.
You before me. Enter the mom bod and new reality.
Imperfect Mom Means Not Always Being Your Friend
You wanted so badly to go to that dance or sleepover or party but you were grounded. The tears and the tantrums and the pleading and the anger were all directed towards me. More importantly, was the lesson of love and character shaping that was my responsibility. I stuck to my guns. You yelled, maybe you said that I was the worst mother in the world, and maybe you withdrew and I missed you for a short while.
You before me. Motherhood is not always about being liked by your child. Hopefully, the reward will be your strong character and a sense of inner accountability.
Imperfect Mom and Emotions
There were times when I was mean. Yes. mean. Perhaps I yelled or said something I regretted. I didn’t have time to look up from my email or I just wanted to pee in peace. Maybe you had tears in your eyes. It didn’t take me long until I kicked myself. I sought you out, sat you down, and apologized. There was no good reason for me or anyone else to treat you in that manner. Deep down, I explained, I sometimes feel like I’m still trying to figure this all out. Moms are imperfect. It’s important to apologize to your child when you’re wrong. I validate you at the expense of my own pride and teach you the importance of imperfection and forgiveness.
You before me. Moms make mistakes and sometimes the child is right. Trust yourself, my child. I love you.
Imperfect Mom, Sometimes I Need Space
There were times…there are times when I need to put myself first. That old adage of putting the oxygen mask on before helping another person. When I need to replenish my soul so I can be stronger and happier. These are the times when my soul says ME and I listen. Taking care of myself also helps me be stronger for you.
I Earned the Title of Imperfect Mom
I am imperfect but I am a mother. I earned that title. It didn’t happen when I gave birth. It happened afterward, after the successes and the failures and the lessons that I have taught you and the hard lessons you have taught me about myself. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thank you for making me a mommy. I love you.
I love you God’s number plus infinity.
Love,
Your imperfect mom.
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