Do you believe in a higher power?

Do you believe in a higher power? In this day and age, many people have changed their belief systems when it comes to God. I was born and raised in the Roman Catholic church. I left the church when my eldest son was still in CCD. There was a lesson taught in one of his classes about heaven and hell. The teacher stated that non Christians were going to hell. At the end of that lesson, the teacher asked the class the following question; “does anyone know someone who is not Christian?” My ten-year-old son quietly raised his hand and replied “my father.”

And that was the end of that.

Things that Didn’t Make Sense

• My husband wasn’t Christian so the Church didn’t recognize our marraige
• Maybe they were right because we divorced. But then they wanted an annulment.
• I couldn’t get an annulment for a marriage they didn’t already recognize because I didn’t have money as a single mom.
• The Pope’s Easter message “This Easter, the Pope wants to remind all divorced Catholics that they cannot receive communion.” I was forever an outcast.

It hurt a lot as I went through a crisis of faith.

I was exhausted, spiritually hurt, and tired. During a time when I needed God most, I felt like the door shut in my face. It was impossible to reconcile the lessons of the Bible with the organization in which I was raised.

God and Spirituality

I don’t speak about my beliefs often, but I know that my mom was disappointed. My second husband and I decided to raise our kids without any affiliations. Instead, my goal was to live my life according to the teachings that I was raised in and taught. My kids have also learned these teachings but through example instead of through an institution. Today there have been three kind and empathetic men that I’m proud to call my sons.

I’m not writing here to debate your beliefs, but rather to simply speak to my own truth and journey. I’m fifty-five now and I have once again found my spiritual side in the form of meditation. Meditation is connecting to one’s inner self. It’s a moment of love, gratitude, and connection. It was through meditation that I decided to add prayer back into my life. Meditation is connecting to one’s self and prayer is connecting to a higher power. Through meditation, I’ve decided to find a way back to God.

Religion

I don’t believe that any one religion has the truth, it would be a cruel God that would lead a young innocent soul to be born into one family and no hope based on a doctrine. I can’t believe in that kind of God. In fact, I would challenge the idea that God is that simple-minded. I instead believe that humans are simple-minded. The universe, creation, and life are quite different than what we have all been taught. We don’t have any real answers and perhaps that is the entire point. Perhaps God is something more.

The book “The Four Agreements,” by Don Miguel Ruiz had a lot to do with my shift in thinking. These agreements center around the idea that they way we think and act is based on agreements we make with ourselves. These agreements were created during childhood as were our belief systems. The people who raised us, the religion we were born into, the government in our country, the school that we studied in – they all defined those belief systems. By letting go of those beliefs and defining your own belief system, you gain personal freedom and empowerment. You don’t have to believe or follow some idea just because you were told. Personally, it was that behavior that set me adrift.

So I have decided that it doesn’t matter what happened during my years of spiritual estrangement. Perhaps in your eyes I am still lost, but to be honest, I am finally finding my way. The best way to honor this life of mine is to act with kindness and love and to allow myself to think, question and live.

Have a beautiful day.