The Concept of Sleep Divorce
More and more couples are sleeping in separate bedrooms. There’s an unfortunate name for it; sleep divorce. I remember the first time one of my friends nonchalantly told a group of us that her husband snores and they sleep separately. My immediate reaction; Was there something wrong with their marriage? Isn’t that strange? Why would you ever physically separate? And then another friend told me that she had the same arrangement. It has never occurred to me that you can have a healthy marriage while having your own separate bedrooms.
Why do People Choose Sleep Divorce?
I’ve gone down a bit of a research rabbit hole to write this post. People simply want better sleep. The National Sleep Foundation has a thorough article on the importance of sleep quality. I highly encourage you to visit their site because they’ve completed so many studies including sleeping with your pets! I’ve watched videos, read articles, and created an online forum post and the results are in. There are many different reasons for sleeping separately. For some, the extreme difference in work schedules is motivation enough. One spouse works the night shift and another doesn’t. Others tire of their spouse’s snoring and the lack of a restful night that comes with the constant disruption. In my review of sleep divorce, I even heard a couple who has chosen to sleep separately based on preferred room temperature. Still, there were people who feared this arrangement and found comfort having their significant other or spouse next to them at night. Then there was one commentator that said that his sleep divorce led to a real divorce. Yikes!
What do These Couples Have in Common?
All of these couples have one thing in common; the desire for a good night’s sleep. Sleep plays a crucial role in maintaining overall health and well-being. A good night’s sleep bolsters your immune system and lowers the risk of heart disease and stroke. It optimizes cognitive function and helps with mood regulation. For those of us in midlife, did you know that sleep also helps you balance your hormones, from appetite to your stress (cortisol) hormone? In my relationship, I am the loud one, and a sleep test led to a diagnosis of sleep apnea. It’s been over five years using a CPAP (so sexy) and we both sleep better and I no longer fall asleep in the middle of the day! Are you really sleeping?
Should You Consider Sleeping in a Separate Room?
I’ve thought about the sleep divorce idea but there is little reason for us to separate into two different rooms. I’m the one with sleep apnea and he sleeps so deeply that the alarm can go off and he’s still snoozing. In fact, I also suffer from anxiety and sometimes I’ll turn to my husband and put my arm around him just to quiet my racing heart. It’s almost like his essence takes stress away from my very being. It works for us. The people I spoke to who said it worked to sleep in separate rooms, were the ones who had open and honest communication about the change. These couples protected their intimacy and were more intentional, ensuring that the arrangements didn’t negatively impact their relationship.
No one marriage is perfect and how couples decide to handle their nighttime arrangements are their business. If this idea appeals to you, discuss the benefits of getting better sleep and approach the subject with love and an open heart. For those who are considering this option due to disruptions but are fearful, perhaps looking at solutions like a sleep study or using white noise in the bedroom to eliminate waking your spouse!
What are your thoughts? Does the idea appeal to you? Does it worry you? I’d love to hear from you!
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