I am really good at lifting my friends up while being my own worst critic. When I entered peri-menopause my body betrayed me. No matter how many times I tried to talk some sense into my midlife body she insisted on laughing in my face. My effortlessly thin husband continues to eat spaghetti carbonara and can lose five pounds just by thinking about it. Meanwhile, I continue to eat normal food and can’t lose one pound. Top this off with skin changes, two ankle surgeries and a complete inability to rebound after drinking wine and I’m down the self-criticism rabbit hole.
One Unflattering Photo
My son graduated from college and one unflattering picture sent me into a tailspin. I’m so tired with my obsession and my friends’ obsessions over their bodies. We beat ourselves every day over this superficial fact of life. It’s important to be healthy and strong but we all need to stop with the self judgement and tying our identity to our changing bodies. Self-acceptance and giving ourselves grace is difficult but it shouldn’t be.
Stop the judgement of yourself and others. Instagram pictures and selfies are fake. A picture is worth a thousand words and some of those words are lies.
My Son’s Words
Interestingly enough, it was my eldest son who reminded me that self-criticism and self-induced pressure was unhealthy.
You are beautiful. You are at the average weight of a woman your age. You can’t do anything about it except for eat right until you are healthy so being sad and depressed about it is meaningless and not smart. You are being way too sensitive about the picture. You are making a funny face as we all do sometimes when we are caught at the wrong moment. You need to be happy and love yourself not only as a person, but to be comfortable in your body and confident. You are healthy and have a husband who loves you. On the other hand you are not young anymore so of course you aren’t going to be able to go back to how you looked in your 20’s. But you are in a different chapter of your life. Is it impossible to lose weight, no, but right now your weight doesn’t mean shit. You need to worry about your foot and that’s it.
You were a young single mother, you were a successful working woman at a time when it was a lot harder to be a successful woman. You had three sons, and each of them are turning out to be amazing people. You pushed me to finish college and were successful. You have been there for countless people throughout their lives, you supported a positive relationship with my father, you wrote blogs that are entertaining and relevant to many moms today. You are writing a book. You have your college degree. You have done charity work for families and people who have problems in their mind. As a single mom you bought your own townhome and now you don’t really have any real financial worries, only healthy ones to stay financially stable.
Be happy with you and love you cause you are an amazing woman, and I’ll be lucky if I am half the person you are when I get older.
Work On Self-Acceptance
Screw you hormonal changes. I choose to see myself through other people’s eyes. I am more than the scale. So are you. We need to lift each other up and remind ourselves of that fact. Society judges us on superficial milestones but true success is so much more. This article on Psych Central outlines some great techniques to work on self-acceptance. The below bullets are taken directly from their article so please visit their link for more.
- Forgive yourself
- Practice self-compassion
- Use present moment awareness and mindfulness
- Acknowledge and love your abilities
- Ignore your inner critic
- Connect with loved ones who appreciate you
- Move on from disappointments
- Gain perspective on your limitations
Shift The Narrative on Yourself
Have you ever been in the room with a very attractive person who has nothing interesting to say? Shift the narrative on yourself. What you learn, your interests and hobbies are more interesting than whether your hair is colored or not. Your journey and life is more interesting than the shell that you were born into. It will take practice, but ignore your inner critic and society’s critics and surround yourself with people who truly see you.
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