The Importance of Fatherhood

Shining a Light on Fatherhood

When I was a single mom, I naively believed I could be both mother and father. My plan was to work hard and overcompensate so that my son didn’t see any difference when he compared his life with other kids’ lives. I had no idea how important a father would be to his development and emotional well-being. I had no idea. The importance of fatherhood and the critical need for positive role models in my son’s life because glaringly obvious.

Positive Male Role Models

Instead of trying to overcompensate during my divorce, I swallowed my pain and pride to help foster a loving relationship between father and son. Other positive male role models stepped in. My own father and my brothers helped me raise my son and showered him with love. He still holds those precious memories in his heart. When he turned five, I started to date my future husband. He has loved him as if he were his own and has not only given him his heart, but has helped put him through college and still guides him to this day. My son recently texted him for career advice and my husband spoke to him man-to-man about what it takes to succeed in life. I think I fell even more in love as I watched their relationship grow these last twenty years.

Together, all of these positive role models helped me raise a good mannered, accountable, empathetic and strong young man.  This young man has in turn paid it forward.  He was there for his younger brothers who are also men now.  There is a strong bond between all of them.

Strength and Resilience

Brush it off!  Get up!  You can do it!  No I’m not helping you tie your shoes.  Get your stuff packed up.  Listen to your mom.  These words come out differently when dad says it.  Teaching strength, resilience and independence is a team sport.

Perhaps it all starts when dad cuts the umbilical cord in the birthing room.  Or maybe it all starts when your father throws his toddler up in the air and catches him.  This marks your very first freak out as a mom.  You think your child will get hurt!  You get angry!  This is a risk!  You want to protect your child with every lioness cell in your body. And there they are, father and son, cackling as he flies up into the air with unadulterated joy. They took a risk.  They survived.  In spite of what mom said.

My Own Father as a Positive Role Model

My father’s impact on my own life is related to my inner strength and moral compass.  He would jokingly tell us kids that “you are guilty until you prove you are innocent.”  It was infuriating.  In our teen years, my siblings and I would do anything to convince my mother of our innocence of any wrongdoing.  We would aim for her heart but dad?  Well dad would get in the way.  He would see right through us. He would tip the scale on our games and we eventually thought twice about being duplicitous.  Instead we learned accountability.  Many of my peers have not learned the same lessons.  I was fortunate enough to learn from example. My father was my positive role model when it came to strength of character. I had no choice.

The sad truth is that the importance of fatherhood for girls is often dismissed. As this Forbes article states; “daughters who had strong relationships with their fathers growing up (no matter their economic or educational background, race or religion) get better grades, go on to make more money, and are more emotionally resilient as adults than peers who did not.”

In this article, the importance of fatherhood for boys is also discussed. Boys have better mental health, self esteem and confidence when they have their father in their lives. They learn about being a man and how to have positive relationships. Without this connection, it is harder on a boy, but other positive role models can accomplish the same goals.

The Importance of Fatherhood

If you are a father I want you to know how important you are and how much of an impact you have on your child’s life.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.  Even if you have been through a divorce or have made mistakes, don’t let that sway you from putting your best foot forward for the sake of your children.  They need you.  They are watching you.   Treat their mother right.  Treat yourself right.  Live by example.

There is a certain importance and beauty woven into the fabric of those who serve as fathers.  A power exists in their lessons, in their faith, in their strengths and in their weaknesses.  There is power in the words “you can do it.”  There is power in the words “stand and decide who you want to be.”  It doesn’t matter if you have a son or a daughter.  Never underestimate the importance of this role.  Mom is usually in the spotlight but I would like to turn the spotlight on those who serve as fathers.

Thank you!