Advice on Love

To My Child

Here is some advice on love, don’t simply follow your heart. Your head needs to be involved as well. Let me begin by saying that I am so proud of you.  You are incredibly strong, kind and ambitious.  Everyone who meets you is affected by your lively spirit, your infectious smile and your empathy for others. Throughout the years you have come to me for help with your homework, advice on friends, and on decisions that were big and small.  Sometimes you took my advice and sometimes you did not. However, I want you to know that you are so valuable.

Advice on Love

However, now I have something so important to say to you that I have written it down and have printed it out.   As you go through life and encounter those who would seek your heart, please remember this:

Follow your heart in many of your endeavors, but not in your love life.  When it comes to affairs of the heart, it is critical to make sure that your heart gets an agreement from your head. Your head, your intuition, that little voice that speaks to you in times of need…..do not let your heart silence that voice.  TRUST your head and then and only then….let your heart follow.

Love is a powerful emotion 

Some people have the capacity to love with all of their hearts and some people simply do not.  You are a giver….beware of those who would take, take and then take again.  Love, respect, patience, and empathy are all traits that are interwoven.  Selfishness, dishonesty, abuse and fear are also traits that are interwoven.  My own mother used to tell me that if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck….it’s a duck.  Do not deny what your head knows to be true.

Love is and Love is not

• Love does not separate you from your family or friends.
• Love does not use the words “I love you but….”
• Love does not make you feel sick, guilty or shameful.
• Love is not a liar or a cheater or an abuser.
• Love does not put you down.
• Love is more than pretty words, it requires consistency and positive actions.
• Love does not require that you try more or jump through circus hoops.
• Love does not require you to change.  Not your religion, not your hair, not your weight and not anything about you.  You are perfect.

Believe Them

When you start to date someone BELIEVE him or her when they tell you who they are.  Find someone who deserves to be with you.  It is much easier to break up with someone who tells you that you are not good enough after one week, than it is to divorce someone who has convinced you that you are unworthy for years.   LISTEN to your head and let your heart then follow.

One former DUCK in my life gave this advice on love after our breakup.  He said:  “Every woman who ever suspected me of cheating was 100% correct.  What I have found absolutely fascinating is my ability to get them to doubt themselves.  Women are really good at ignoring their intuition and I think that’s just unfortunate….I mean, God gave you all a gift and you don’t use it!”

QUACK!  Ducks do exist.

Be RESPONSIBLE with Your Own Heart!  

Only you can make decisions that are right for you.  Choose wisely.  No choice is too small.  You deserve to find someone as wonderful as you.  As you begin to date, listen to your head and then and only then, let your heart follow.   One week with the wrong person can easily turn into a trap of your own making.

Be responsible with your heart because you deserve the best.

Love,

Mom