Midlife and marriage, does it get tougher?

The Shifting of Priorities

My husband and I are at a crossroads in life and with each other. Marital challenges come with the complete and seismic shift of priorities, child-rearing, and changing life circumstances that happen in midlife. We’ve learned that constant communication is key because if we don’t communicate, the disconnect creates cracks between us. Indifference and separation are truly the enemy of any union. Aging usually brings changes to many friendships and relationships.

Growth or lack thereof

Timing and gaining an understanding of this phase of life is extremely tricky. Sometimes one partner realizes that it’s time to embrace change and the other one is in denial. A division occurs when one spouse holds onto their past instead of living in the present. During this time, working with your partner and envisioning the future is to grow. Change is good and growth is part of life.

Aging Brings Change Midlife Marriages

Why does it seem to get so tough? We are discovering that for the last twenty-plus years, we’ve been in survival mode. The careers were hot, the kids were overwhelming, and saving money or taking care of our home dominated our time. We were sailing on rough water and didn’t have time to reflect. Metaphorically speaking we had two buckets to throw water out of the ship to make sure we didn’t sink!

Now the house seems rather large and there are fewer people at the dinner table. Our youngest is in high school and is fiercely independent and uninterested in his parents. I’ve been working part-time in our consulting company but it’s not as fulfilling as I’d like it to be. Is it time to stop worrying so much and enjoy our time together more now? We are beginning to talk about downsizing. Downsizing our home and upgrading our hearts.

Acceptance is something we are working on.

Maybe the reason marriage gets tough in midlife is simple. You date and then make the decision to go on this journey together when all hell breaks loose for decades. You accomplish your career and family goals and then look at each other and say “Now what?” Do we walk hand-in-hand and continue our journey together or do we separate with love and grace? Life is tough and so is aging and relationships. The chaos also served as glue and is no longer present, so you both have to be intentional with moving forward.

Midlife and marriage, does it get tougher?

The answer is yes, yes, and yes. In the end, there is no right way to proceed, but in my opinion, you have to answer one question – can I continue to grow as a person while being in this marriage? If the answer is yes then hang in there, because you may just come out the other side even stronger and happier. Your decision needs to be made with intent. If your answer is no, then stop putting your life on hold, and don’t worry about what others may think. This idea of separation or “gray divorce,” is on the rise within our generation. It’s the phenomenon of people over fifty, in long-term marriages, deciding to part ways. These couples decide they want different things and decide to separate to redefine and meet those goals.

Whatever you decide, keep living with intention, growth, and love.