Identity is always changing throughout your life and midlife is no exception. What identity changes come after midlife? I certainly feel, at the age of 54 that I’m a tad bit past my midpoint, unless I live to be 108. Right now I’m re-evaluating who I want to be when I grow up. My growth is not finished even though I have many questions in my heart about what’s next. I’ve touched upon the topic of identity in posts long ago, especially during my divorce. I look at midlife identity as another key growth opportunity and something we all should focus on.
How do we define ourselves?
I’m a woman, a daughter, a sister and a mother. My kids no longer depend upon me for their emotional and daily needs. My husband is very comfortable in his career but doesn’t fully understand the sacrifices that the sacrifices I have made to raise our children now haunt me. Oh hell, even if I worked full-time all of these years, I wouldn’t want to climb that corporate ladder. It’s meaningless and empty and no one will say “she was an excellent employee,” when I’m in my grave.
But beyond that, beyond the easy labels, I have to once again ask, how do I redefine myself in midlife? Who am I now? When it gets quiet in the house and the role of caretaker is diminished, I hear the whisper “what now love?”
Re-inventing Yourself
“What now love?’ says my midlife identity. “I don’t know,” I quietly whisper back as my heart starts to sink and the depression settles in. I think about writing more, updating my blog once per week as I used to, and perhaps compiling these pages into a self-published book. Suddenly, doubt enters the room, sowing fear. She’s an enormous specter, with long flowing hair and quivers when she whispers “do you have anything useful to say anymore?” “I think so,” I answer quietly. Do I have more to say?
I started to write because I loved to write and thought that if I could help one person with my words then it was all worth it. Naively I thought that social media would help me communicate, and then the algorithms made sure that few people had access to my words. Here is the raw truth, I felt safer that way. I’m a terrible self-promoter and lived and wrote in a cocoon. Safe and sound. Now I’m trying to step out of my shell and reach more people. It’s not easy.
But I digress.
Midlife and Your Identity
How do we define ourselves? How do we define ourselves when the old labels no longer apply? Who am I now and who do I want to be as I move forward? This is the midlife question. Sure, you have the freedom to travel, and to do the things you may have put off, but from my vantage point, I don’t see people doing that, they’re not redefining themselves, they’re sitting around, joining retirement communities, and calling it a day.
That’s not for me. It’s not enough for me. I want to own my age and continue to create. Life should be lived and appreciated. Digging deep to be brave and emerge from a cocoon of safety is no easy feat. To do that I have to be vulnerable again. I’m giving myself permission to face the fact that the hours in the day are actually mine now, and no matter how many minutes I wait or excuses I give myself, that’s all they are….excuses.
Am I alone with these feeling of mine? Do you feel the shedding of previous labels, of your skin and the need to redefine life as you know it?
How will you define yourself? What do you want out of the next years of your life? I want to know.
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