The shame placed on women for aging is both disgusting and frustrating. People have targeted me with nasty comments on social media and in person…punished me for being in my late fifties. Most of those attacks have come from middle-aged men. Society does not permit women to age gracefully.
And yet, my grandmother, a woman I loved deeply, was beauty personified in my eyes until the day she died. As a child, I used to run my fingertips along her hands, marveling at her crepey skin and prominent veins. I now know she was probably very aware of her aging hands, but to me, they were a marvel. They were hers.
Now I look down at my own hands, and they’re the same.
How is a woman’s worth measured in society’s eyes? I think we all know the answer.
Open any magazine, scroll through beauty influencers on social media, or walk down the street in your twenties, and you’ll quickly understand how society judges women. It holds physical beauty and youth in high esteem. The female form is measured against unattainable standards. And yet, even in our so-called prime, we still found flaws in ourselves and others. Was there ever a time when you truly felt like you met those standards?
And now? Don’t you dare age gracefully.
My eyes look sad, I thought one day as I studied my reflection. I now understand that the hooded look began in my early forties. For reference, I scanned through old photos of my grandmother and saw the same thing. But both of our eyes still had that twinkle.
Gray hair. Most men go gray, or lose their hair altogether, while women are expected to fight aging to the bitter end. I’ve been gray for years, and recently at a party, when I walked in, the host yelled out, “What are you doing with your hair? Dye that shit!”
This same “friend” is male and completely gray himself. When I pointed that out, his response was simple:
“Yeah, but I’m a man.”
Yeah, but I’m a man.
We can’t control what society says or does, but we can lift each other up. Your worth is found in your intelligence, your empathy, and your willingness to stand up for what’s right. It’s in the laughter in your voice, the love in your heart, and the friendships you nurture.
So give yourself grace. We’ve earned our age, and we are the lucky ones who have lived long enough to celebrate our laugh lines.
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