The Silence of Midlife

The grief over the passing of my beloved dog Cap has uncovered a startling revelation within my over-thinking brain. I’m fearing the silence of midlife.

When the Silence Entered My Life

This silence of midlife started with the kids moving out. No more bickering, hectic routines and frequent interruptions. But I had the dogs, two in fact, that required most of my time. They had medicine to take, feeding and walking schedules and needed my extra support in their senior years.

And then one passed. Three kids grown and one dog over the rainbow bridge, leaving me and Mocha, my sensitive soul of a dog home alone. Cap’s absence didn’t bring the silence, he made me aware of its slow creep toward me. He helped me hear it.

For the last twenty years I’ve built a life around being needed and now I face a life with fewer people needing my support.

And the silence of midlife is deafening.

What is Really Important?

I’ve told myself that I’ll have more freedom to travel, for hobbies, and to engage in more intellectual pursuits, but I’m not convinced that it will be enough. Is that really the reward?

Love and connection is what shines the light into our homes and hearts, not a focus on one’s self twenty four seven. What I’ve learned is that freedom from responsibility is not what I crave the most.

It’s presence. And connection.

I’m not going to tell you that I’ll learn how to sit in the silence of midlife. Many of us wait for our children to interrupt the silence with children of their own. Friends suggest getting another dog. But I don’t think that’s the answer.

A Proactive Approach

I think that we empty nesters, retirees, grandparents, widows or widowers, divorcees, we need to work harder now. We need to seek connection.

And that takes time and effort. We have to live with intention. And intention requires vulnerability. It requires opening our hearts, inviting people in and approaching life differently.

You don’t need to learn to love the silence of midlife. No. Instead, you may need to acknowledge it and open the door to connection.