Writing the Next Chapter of Your Life

Most of the biggest chapters of our lives aren’t chosen. They happen to us. But what if you didn’t wait for life to hand you another chapter? What if you chose to write the next chapter of your life yourself?

I’ve learned that writing a new chapter begins with changing your mindset.

I remember friends telling me that they were waiting to be ready to have kids. My reply was that you are never ready. It is the same with moving into a new phase of life. Stop waiting until you feel ready. Many people think confidence comes first. It rarely does.

Confidence usually comes after taking action.

What are you postponing because you don’t feel qualified?

It’s not true that you are only an artist if you have skill. That you are not a musician if you haven’t mastered the piano. That you are not a writer unless you are published. Buy the sketchbook. Look at online classes on how to draw. Pick a writing prompt and write something for your eyes only. Or journal. Learn a new language. If not now, when? How many years have you been saying someday?

Don’t be afraid to be a beginner again.

Midlife often becomes a period of wisdom or expertise. We’ve raised our kids, built our careers and run our households. We know how to navigate life. But what if you were willing to be bad at something? Discomfort is where growth lives. Today, I’m experiencing many new beginnings in Sweden. Learning the language and navigating bureaucracy are all examples of things I’m stepping into. For example, I recently sent an email to someone that I don’t know. All I knew was that she loves to write, and a mutual acquaintance suggested that I reach out. Hesitant and nervous, I drafted an email and clicked send before I could back out. I took a chance and met someone interesting.

Redefine your identity.

What are the labels you’ve placed on yourself? If you could choose a new one, or rather add to your labels, what would it be? Mother, executive, athlete and…what?

Fill in the blank.

These aren’t just labels; they’re the beginning of your next chapter.

Ten years ago, I started this blog because I wanted to become a writer. At the same time, I wanted to help others through sharing my experiences. This is when I added “writer” to my identity. But to be honest, I still doubted myself.

Last year I started classes with The Writer’s Circle. Inspired by those lessons, I worked on a manuscript for a thriller. Now I’ve finished it and am working on revisions. And when I attended the Stockholm’s Writers’ Conference, a professional editor read my prologue and gave me positive feedback in front of thirty fellow writers.

It was then that I felt that I had earned my title.

Build a life, not your schedule.

For years my life was my schedule, especially while raising children. Breakfast by seven-thirty, out the door by nine, class at the gym, lunch, laundry, school pick-up, snack, dinner, homework, collapse and rinse and repeat. Now you no longer have as many “musts” in your day. What activities can you add to your day to build a life?

Shift from “What should I do today?” to “Who am I becoming?”

A new chapter starts with questions not answers.

Choose curiosity over certainty. Don’t worry about failing. Learn from it and celebrate both failure and success. Don’t let self-doubt stop you from trying. I cannot properly express the fear I have when going to the gym. It’s different in my fifties, going through the strength training, trying to figure out machines that are new to me but I’m doing it. I’m becoming more confident. 

But after only two weeks, I came down with a bad virus and have been on the couch for a week. My motivation crumbled, but I know that I simply have to walk through those doors again.

Find people who want to grow, those who are also becoming.

This is a big one for me. There are people who spend their entire lives talking about what they are going to do but they wait too long and miss their opportunity. Others feel comfortable with the familiar.

Friends may love the old version of you becomes it makes them more comfortable. Change is hard and often when we watch others do something different, it makes us look inward.

And it’s OK. Not every old friendship belongs in every new life chapter. Keep your closest friends, but also seek out those who want to reinvent themselves. I wrote about the Women’s Welcome group that I found in Sweden. They are creating space for people in transition. It was through a conversation with one of the attendees last week that I found my writer friend. Find the people who help you grow.

Change your environment.

In a writing session at a conference, an editor said that sometimes after you write your manuscript, you should read it from start-to-finish. Take off the writing hat. Put on the reading one. Change your environment. Don’t read at your writing desk. Move. Become that new vantage point. It’s the same with life. It doesn’t have to be a drastic move to a new house or neighborhood. It can be a new class, a place to volunteer or a trip where you meet new people. Extend. Expand. You don’t need to go far to do so.

Expect grief.

Every new chapter requires ending another one. It’s OK to grieve what was comfortable, what you knew about how to live every day. You can love your old life while embracing a new one. I felt this when I became an empty nester, when my sons called me less, and when the youngest drifted into his own college-filled life. I mourned the family vacations, the trips to the parks, the unconditional love that a young child embraces his mother with and the wide-eyed innocence that followed me around every day. I miss those days.

But those children were just on loan.

I grieve and I celebrate at the same time.

Stop trying to recreate your old life. Create a new one.

When you retire, become an empty nester, have a friend moves away or go through a divorce, many people are tempted to rebuild their old lives. Maybe the goal is not replacement. Maybe it’s an opportunity, a second chance for reinvention.

Say yes more often.

I’ve written about this in previous posts. Say yes to new experiences. I did this when I walked into that Women’s Welcome luncheon, when I attended Skellefteå hockey games, when I joined the gym and started to lift weights in my late fifties. I said Yes to moving across the world. There are no guarantees. Only curiosity. And so far, no regrets.

Give yourself permission.

I guess what it comes down to is giving yourself permission. Writing the next chapter of your life means giving yourself permission to start before you’re ready, to outgrow old ways and to become a beginner again. Permission looks like changing your mind, being brave enough to fail and pursue joy without skill or justification.

Permission. It means stopping proving yourself and giving yourself permission to become someone you haven’t met yet.