It takes a village to raise a child but my village is disappearing. When people discuss their community or village, it’s often in the context of supporting each other with babysitting assistance or advice. There are different origin stories of this phrase, and this link details some of those origins. My take on this is different and it has to do with knowledge and trust. In a real village, mothers stand with other mothers in an attempt to raise good children. They trust each other. When trust is missing, the community can no longer help each other.
During my years as a parent, I remained silent when other kids stole, smoke, drank, bullied, and dealt drugs. I didn’t tell their parents because they were the reason why our villages are disappearing. When you can’t trust another parent it’s difficult to share information you gained from your own child.
I have worked really hard at keeping open lines of communication with my sons. They trust me to keep their secrets safe and trust that I will protect them. If they come to me with information about a friend, it’s usually because they are upset and concerned. Over the years they’ve come to me with alarming information on their peers. My first instinct was to help, to talk to their parents and early on, this is exactly what I did. I went to mom, getting a promise of confidentiality only for that mom to turn around and…..
Throw my kid under the bus.
Trust is why our village is disappearing.
When I was younger, if my neighbor told my mom I was up to no good, she wouldn’t turn around and say “So and so’s daughter told me you did this, would you like to deny it?” No…instead she would put her sternest face on and ask me outright “DID YOU STEAL THAT GIRL’S BARBIE DOLL?” I wouldn’t have time to figure out where she got her intel. If I did hazard a guess, my mother would make up a story about some stranger seeing me pocket the Barbie or tell me she saw it herself. She would protect the source and her village. This meant her village always had her back, they always had me second guessing my every move and this kept me out of trouble.
Parents Want to Be Their Kids Friend
Today, a parent’s first reaction is denial and laziness. It’s too hard to address their kid as a parent, but instead want to be their friend. When did we become a bunch of pansy parents? Why are they afraid of their own kids? Our village is disappearing and it’s a loss. Our kids are not better for it. So now I choose ONLY my kids and only worry about them. Others are now invisible. Somehow it feels sad and wrong, and as I raise my youngest son, I fully expect to experience the ups and downs of his teen years and will do my best to see him through without a village.
It takes a village to raise a child. However, now I am my own village. I pray that I can carry that weight on my shoulders.
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