The truth is that midlife is a wake-up call that you did NOT want to be scheduled. The myth is that it is the same for everyone. My journey started in my early forties with unexplained weight gain. Many of my mom friends were younger and couldn’t relate. “Cut carbs, weight train, do some fasting, I lost five pounds this week,” and loads of crap advice came my way. Fast forward a couple of years, and these same women were going to the doctor to get their thyroid checked, as I gently told them that they too would be entering a different stage of life.
First truth – Unexplained Weight Gain
If you are in your early forties, you are likely in perimenopause. The truth in midlife is that you may gain weight, sweat your ass off at night or develop anxiety, and your friends won’t all understand. We all hit this phase at different times in our lives. Find some older friends to complain to, and, I hate to tell you but your doctor may not help. You need to seek out older women and find your crone village. There are several hormones responsible for this development.
You’ll Run to the Doctor
You’ll go to the doctor and ask them to check your hormone levels. Those levels will be normal. You’ll think it’s your thyroid but it’s normal. This may feel like a big FAT failure. You’re not. You are going into perimenopause and your hormones are affecting your weight loss. Trust yourself and your instincts, You know your body and something is DEFINITELY off. Explore medical options if it seriously affects your mental health. I have not tried HRT or a GLP-1 for weight loss but I know women who swear by them.
Second truth- The Kids No Longer Need You
Your kids may not want to be around you. They may be angry for no reason. How dare you tell them to come down for dinner! They want to be independent and don’t need you in the same way. What they do need is boundaries, so make them join you for dinner anyway. If they allow you to hug them, TAKE THE DAMN HUG and make it last for a long time. You may not get another one for a while! Your kids will love you, they will hate you, they will tolerate you, and they will think you’re overbearing. It’s going to be OK but it’s an adjustment.
You now have permission, time, and ability to do other things. You can advance in your career, you can pick up new hobbies, and you can try to figure out who the hell you are now. That’s right, midlife is freaking scary because now you need to look in the mirror and redefine yourself. What are you going to do with the time you have left on this beautiful earth?
Third Truth – Aging Gracefully is Tough
Fighting to stay young won’t work. We’ve all heard the term “aging gracefully,” and we all know it’s a big lie. No woman or man likes to age and it really sucks. I recently took a new driver’s license picture and asked my husband why my eyes looked so sad. It may have to do with a little bit of sag here and there. HA! We had a good laugh at our pictures and then buried them in our wallets. My incentive is to be a safe driver and never have to show that license to anyone again. I am all for plastic surgery, let me just say that if you have something you are obsessing about and want to feel better just freaking go for it. However, if you start getting addicted, it’s probably because you think you can refuse Mother Midlife. You can’t. You’ll just look like an old lady in midlife trying to stay young and that’s the honest truth. Everything in moderation!
Fourth Truth – Friendship Losses
You’ll lose friends and need to be OK with that. When you made mom friends, the common bond was the children, who loved to laugh together and play outside together, and their friendship was simple. As children reach middle school, their friendships are tested and the parenting styles are as well. You will find that you have less in common with a certain mom friend but you may cherish others. It’s normal, the kids are growing up and so are moms and dads. Just move on with love. It’s part of life. You didn’t have as much in common as you thought.
Fifth Truth – Ignoring Your Health is No Longer An Option
Your time is up when it comes to ignoring your health. That liver you’ve been abusing all of these years, the fatty food you’ve eaten, and the muscles that you haven’t quite used so much are now flashing huge warning signs. I’m sorry but the party is over. That’s the plain ugly ass truth. If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you will get shitty results. Get on the treadmill and eat some vegetables. You’ll thank me in ten years.
Conclusion – Life is About Making The Most of the Present
Here’s a fantastic post in Psychology Today written by Ann Douglas.
Midlife can be messy—especially for women. It’s a time in our lives when our roles and responsibilities are changing and we’re trying to connect the dots between past, present, and future—to figure out who we’ve been, who we are, and who we hope to become.
In my opinion, the truth in midlife is the same at every stage of your life and that is that there is always an opportunity for growth. Live in your present and love the person you are today. Sending you all love, peace, and strength during this time of midlife and the truths we will all have to face. Continue to find moments of joy!
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