This is dedicated to all of those women who have written or commented about their frustration about simply not being understood or heard. Remote work, working-at-home, hybrid models, and the new workplace and home office space are bringing relationship challenges.
Years ago my husband had a really nice office located fifteen minutes from our home. This is the story of how I invaded my husband’s office space.
Bringing My Work to His Office Space
One day I packed up our three kids and two dogs and drove to his office space. The kids dumped their Legos onto the floor while the dogs barked at every person who passed his office door. I sat in one of his guest chairs and made a call to another mom who was helping coordinate a school party. The entire time, my husband sat there bewildered, unable to concentrate, and frustrated by the constant noise, questions, and disruptions. When lunchtime approached, I stood up, grabbed the kids, and asked my husband where we were going to go eat. It was so noisy in his office that his colleagues didn’t even bother to invite him to meetings. His dismay was palpable. I continued to do this every day for weeks until he sat me down to “talk.”
The Talk
My husband explained to me that invading his office space made it difficult for him to focus and get things done. His sanity was on the line, he felt less productive and was even feeling a bit depressed. How could he possibly feel this way? Wasn’t I the love of his life? Doesn’t he love our kids and dogs? I did exactly what he would have done. I ignored him and brought the kids to his office the very next day. We continued to invade his office space.
Oh, Wait. That’s MY STORY
Oh no…wait. I’ve got it all wrong. My husband working from home drives ME crazy! It’s my story! The home is my office space. I run the home, take care of the kids, walk the dogs, clean, cook, and volunteer. I juggle a lot in my life. One day, my husband decided that working at home would be “our” new normal. Covid sent a lot of people home to work and many refused to return to the office. The only problem was that many husbands also refused to realize that they had just invaded their wife’s office space. Not only did they fail to understand, but they ignored the problem, unwilling to communicate, compromise, and adjust to give their wife the space that she needed to succeed. Instead, any negative complaints from her were met with silence.
Is it Truly About Remote Work?
The question is whether or not the challenge is about sharing office space and remote work or if it’s something deeper. I’ve heard from many women on this topic and they don’t feel heard or respected. There are deeper challenges and desperately needed solutions. One woman asked for a divorce. Another stayed married because he moved his home office to the basement. Then there was the husband who agreed to compromise and work sometimes at the local cafe on set days. And yet, another man loved and respected his wife enough to return back to the office that was still available to him through his company.
Many attempt to speak to their spouse or boyfriend, only to be shut down. These women are made out to be the bad guy and there is little understanding between couples. I believe that remote work has been disruptive for families. Open communication and solutions with compromise are required to make it work.
And they lived happily ever after, with or without each other.
The End
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