BLOGGING MIDLIFE

remote work is not perfect

My husband working from home drives me crazy!

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Lorraine Lundqvist

In 2018 My Husband Started Working From Home

In 2018, after a shift in his career, my husband started to work from home. Today we are still in this situation and every single word is still true except our kids are older. In the end, we are all in this together but we are only human and sometimes we laugh, cry, and complain. The pandemic post and update is found here. Thanks for reading!

I’m seriously struggling with my husband’s schedule. During the first fourteen years of our marriage, he was in an office and traveling constantly. His schedule was so frantic that I decided to stay at home so we both didn’t have to travel and leave three young kids. This arrangement truly worked. I am an extrovert with introvert tendencies, I love being alone and am happy as a clam not talking to anyone or socializing in any way. Being alone is important to my mental health. It just is.

Fast forward in our marriage and my husband is now working out of our home. On certain days he goes on a business trip and on others he may go to his monthly virtual office but he LOVES to work out of home. This is a tough situation. I share this frustration with other women, whether they have a work-at-home husband or they have a husband who is retired. I’ve been evaluating why I’ve been such a bitch to him.

Why Does This Bother Me?

I’ve come up with several reasons why this constant togetherness stresses me out.

  1. Absence. Heart. Fonder. It’s important to have space during the day and catch up with each other at night. When you have constant togetherness, the heart doesn’t feel so fond. I know what he’s eaten, what conference calls he’s had, and every little technical detail of his day. Our house has an open floor plan and I can hear everything! When night comes along, instead of catching up, I’m running the other way.
  2. Interruptions. My life is a series of constant interruptions, day in and day out. I get a reprieve from this during the school year when the kids go to school. Now my husband takes their place. “Have you seen my power cord, did you take my socks, did the dogs go out, have you eaten lunch and  how is your day going?” I have completely lost my alone time when I regroup and recharge.
  3. Dogs and stress. If you have dogs then you know they bark at any stupid thing that crosses your window OH THERE’S A SQUIRREL! I can no longer ignore their barking. I’m worried that they will disturb his conference call or interrupt HIS day. This is stressful and adds one more thing to my list. Also, see number 1.
  4. Lack of focus. I can’t stand cooking and cleaning. Pulling together a meal and keeping on top of the house requires tons of effort. These mundane tasks bore me. In my great desire to have space, I attempt to stay away from open areas of the house. This means that I simply don’t get things done. This makes me depressed.
  5. Judgement. My husband is pretty non-judgmental. I appreciate this character trait. I can’t help but feel judged by the questions asked. “How many cups of coffee do you drink each day?” “Did you work out?” “How did your meeting go?” “When do the kids come home?” “Who was that on the phone?” “Did you call so and so back?” Yea. See number 1.

Not Feeling Heard

I spoke to my husband to explain why I’m struggling but he didn’t understand. There is a difference between enjoying his company and always being in his company. I think it’s incredibly important for two people in a marriage to have their space and alone time. Yesterday I took my laptop to Panera and sat there for hours just to get things done. Meanwhile, the house is falling apart. This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn to get some writing accomplished. My life is now about stealing moments. I’m also looking into starting a business and taking on more consulting work. Let’s face it, if I’m going to fail as a domestic goddess and ignore the housework so that I may have space and productivity, I may as well get paid for it.

Marriage and Remote Work Update 2024

Six years later we’ve reached a compromise. Six years of not being heard and six years of reading my own post over and over to remind myself that I’m not the only one who feels crazy with my husband working at home. I’ve read every single comment so I didn’t feel alone. My husband has moved his office to the basement.  It has transformed my life and I’m also happy to say that he is quite content as well. Just a small move has enabled me to write more and fix some of the technical issues on this site and I’ve never been so productive. We are both happier and our marriage is better as a result.

Private Facebook Forum

Have you felt crazy over remote work in your marriage? If you have a similar situation at your house, I’d love to hear about it!

I’ve created a private Facebook forum for those of you who want a better sense of community. Check it out. I’m going to ask you for the link to this post to ensure that you’re from this group or at least for people who feel the same to be a bit vetted. You can search Facebook for the forum, it’s the same name as the title of this blog post! I also have a general blog page so please follow and share!

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127 responses to “My husband working from home drives me crazy!”

  1. scatteredthoughts1974 Avatar
    scatteredthoughts1974

    We’ve dealt with that. From both sides, really, because I also do freelance work from home 5-10 hours. If he’s working, he’s just throwing off my routine. If I’m working, he thinks I can just drop everything for something. It’s a process.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      It’s a process that we definitely haven’t quite figured out!

      Reply
  2. Shasha Avatar
    Shasha

    I’m struggling this so very much! I hated it! I even think I have no feelings any more with males, which is scary! But my husband have been worked at home for 6 years, it’s driving me crazy now… he goes on business trip but so short, the kids the dog, oh my god, so so similar with your situation! I want to kick him out, but we need to pay extra for his office renting which has to take out of our finance… his company not paying it. I go to coffee shops sometimes, don’t go home, but yeah, who finish the house work then? I’m struggling…

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      I completely understand! One thing that worked for us is to agree that at least two days a week he went to a coffee shop or his virtual office. There are free places he can work! He should go to the coffee shop not you! I do think that if he doesn’t then it’s wise to take some time. I started walking every day to relieve some stress. Good luck my friend!

      Reply
      1. Suffocated Avatar
        Suffocated

        I voiced my concerns with him being home to him…my husband was always working at least 8 hr days and I am a SAHM now but worked about 5 years into our marriage but wanted to be there for my children so I am home he was going to work but I still bring in an income with my businesses.. my husband has been an at home entrepreneur for 3 years he contracts work out so now he doesn’t have to be traveling to work or working everyday he is just mainly on phone calls during the days on and off. He is not a lazy man, he does house chores laundry dishes vacuums gardens runs for my son for school
        Practice church etc…he doesn’t lay on the couch all day. I expressed my frustrations with him being home even though he is still doing these things. I feel like he wants to be a hero and get acknowledged for every little thing he does. I feel like he has taken my job away from me (my mom job) does that make sense? I told him I don’t feel needed anymore as a mother or sahm because he’s doing almost everything….I feel like my son doesn’t need me because dad does everything. I feel resentful towards him, I show no love no affection I’m snappy with him because he gives me no time to miss him…. He’s always here. He tells me I’m selfish and that other women would love to have a man that does everything… but would they? I’m an introvert and he knows I need alone time where I don’t feel his energy and have a calm quiet house. I’ve had enough today and threatened to leave. I don’t know what to do. I feel suffocated and sad and I feel like it wouldn’t matter if I was gone

        Reply
        1. Annette Avatar
          Annette

          Hi sweet mama.
          Yes I do know how you feel. I am a SAHHM. Since Covid my husband stated his own company and is home always!!! Then I do feel like he wants a kid or anything that he does yet I my efforts are not acknowledged.

          I am telling him I want hime to work at coffee shop 2 days a week till 2:00. This way I can have some time in the house to get my grove back.

          Good luck,
          Annette 💛

          Reply
        2. kfro Avatar
          kfro

          You said “He tells me I’m selfish and that other women would love to have a man that does everything… but would they? ” No!!! In fact I feel this same way! I feel like it has taken my job away from me, and am seriously getting depressed! Granted previous to marrying him, I was divorced for quite a few years, but I used to do all the house work and the majority of the yard work. Now my husband does everything. I think he likes breaks during his day so he does “my work” I actually try to beat him to it, but that is exhausting.

          Reply
          1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
            Lorraine Lundqvist

            OOOOHHHH THIS! I was a single mom for over six years and was super independent and did everything. After remarrying, I felt like I was no longer capable as he wanted to do it “right.” That’s a whole post that I need to write! It’s about purpose and independence!

        3. Spent Avatar
          Spent

          All of these replies make me feel like I’m not a selfish asshole! We have bs issues but him being at home has made it all that much worse.
          My husband works full time from home for the last 3 years and it’s killing me. He used to go to the office left at 5am got home at 6pm and it was Fing great!
          The last year I have become so very depressed with him being home, I have zero time to myself. I cry nearly every day. I’m a mom of 4 and have been home for the last 15 years steady. I have 2 kids still in school and 2 adult kids who live on their own. I used to be ok with being a stay at home mom / wife because I had the entire day, every day to get things done both inside the home and outside of the home. I was proactive and productive in all aspects of my life and all our children’s. I took care of everything though it was not acknowledged I knew my role was important.
          Currently I’m a shell of my former self and I don’t even think my husband notices or maybe just doesn’t care. We don’t really communicate very well, we have never really talked about issues because he’s too sensitive and I feel guilty for speaking my mind. I know he works he takes care of us and gives us a home and food and all that but what I do for the kids and home is important too.
          I want to get up, get my kids out the door go to the gym and come home to an empty house! I want to want to be home and enjoy my home but all I do is dread being here. I want to make breakfast & lunch and not have to worry about making enough for him. I cater to him 24/7 and I’m sick of it. I want to blast music and clean the house like I used to but I can’t because he’s on our main level working. I don’t even clean good anymore, these days it’s just picking up. I hate being home, I hate being around him every second every day. Yes I leave for 2 hours to the gym but that’s not a break that’s tiring and the only reason I go is because the depression has made me gain weight and I feel ugly. I told him I’m going to the gym because I feel fat his response was hopefully it’ll make you feel better! Lmfao wtf! I was stupid to expect a response of your beautiful or you’re not fat.
          I have a ton of resentment, he’s home 24/7 yet does not do a damn thing around the house other than let the dogs out. We have a 5k square ft house and I do all the cleaning every level every room every bathroom and every bit of laundry everyone’s linens every week. Even home maintenance things, I’ll mention things that need to be fixed, I get ok and welp after a month I end up doing it my damn self. It infuriates me that he doesn’t do anything yet is home all day everyday. Yes he’ll say what can I do or can I help you with something but like MF you lived here too all these years you know what needs to be done! Plus no get the F out of my bubble cause I’m sick of being around you. Distance makes the heart grow fonder but I got zero distance and nothing but the ick for him. I barely speak to him unless it’s about the kids and we have zero affection or intimacy. I feel we are roommates at this point. I’d leave in an instant if I didn’t feel it would destroy my kids. We’ve been together for over 20 years and not once have we had a real vacation, not once has he surprised me with anything romantic, not once has he done anything to make me feel appreciated or needed. I’ve never had that “princess” treatment or felt like I’m what makes his world go round. I’d be so much happier alone.

          Reply
          1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
            Lorraine Lundqvist

            I hope you get to see my reply. Everything you have written is so incredibly relatable. Recently I wrote something about the chaos of raising children, it was called “After Raising Children,” and in that post, I mentioned how some of my depression and motivation was connected to my purpose. I’ve also noted that having my husband home, stole away a lot of not only my purpose but my “what do I want to do next.” It has contributed to a feeling of being stuck, even more so because of what you’ve described.

            For a while I tried to stay out of the house so I didn’t have to do the lunches or be available but that got old fairly quickly. The resentment, the frustration and the depression was daily. Only recently have things improved when I stopped making his lunch and after THREE years he moved to the basement. It’s made a huge difference. Is your husband on the same floor as you every day? If so – I highly recommend moving him to the basement or out of the way.

            I just want you to know that we all see you. One woman here was frustrated because while we all understand each other, we have less solutions. I think the solution requires us to be heard.

  3. choked Avatar
    choked

    My husband is an airline pilot and he works at best 4 to 6 days a month. He doesnt leave the house til noon and returns the same day around 9:30. I have 3 kids so my alone time about 2 hours 4-6 days a month. When he’s home -which is always, he barks out orders, expects dinner made and a house clean. If he has to do any work, take out garbage, etc., he complains he makes all the money and shouldnt have to do anything, and I an NOT allowed to complain, or I’ll get the lecture how he makes all the money. Im no longer attracked to him, he’s always home, always sitting around on his tablet, always complaining about something. I seriosly am so depressed I dont know what to do bcause if I try to tell him its not health to always be together he throws it in my face how,lucky I am that I dont have to work – he gives me no credit for all the work I do in the home, which is the majority, minus fixing or repair vehicles. Im about to lose my mind, I stopped working 12 years ago to be a full time mom, because when I worked a job, I still got treated the same way, he’d rub in my face that he made more money – no matter what I do its a no win situation. But I totally understand your frustration, I have no me-time, I have no identity anymore, I feel like Im being choked. I hate my life, I would love to have a husband work a regular day job!

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      I am so sorry you feel so under appreciated! I have to tell you that the work you are doing with your children is invaluable. In the end, raising good, kind and strong human beings is worth more than any job. Stay strong and definitely make some time for yourself. Get out of the house more if you can!

      Reply
    2. Jennifer Avatar
      Jennifer

      You need a divorce. That’s emotional abuse.

      Reply
    3. Bella Avatar
      Bella

      I would tell your husband that he is going to be taking a few days off from his job and staying at home. You go out on a short road trip or a mini vacation for yourself. Let him take care of everything at home and the kids for a few days. Your husband sounds incredibly unappreciative- he “makes all the money so he shouldn’t have to do anything else”? Is he living in the 1950’s. You need to put him in his place- if he doesn’t agree to do this or his behavior remains the same, then you need to consider an alternative. You are not his servant and yet he is treating you like one.

      Reply
    4. lynngracem Avatar
      lynngracem

      Find your happy, do what you love to do! You deserve a life too, and don’t let him guilt you over the money thing… who cares, you are a mom, and that is way more valuable!

      Reply
  4. Carolyn Avatar
    Carolyn

    I am in a very different space. My husband and I have been married 30 years and for 29 of those he worked in an office. I am a writer and coach and I work from the house. But the past year he has started his own business and also works from the house and loves it. I can’t exactly kick him out but it drives me nuts. I am used to roaming around the house and working anywhere that inspires me, and now I have to hold up where ever he isn’t. Instead of having quality interactions I get tired of seeing him on so many mundane interactions throughout the day, so I don’t look forward to spending time with him in the evening. And I do creative work in deep silence and even when he’s not in my space I can feel his energy nearby. With some negotiating it has gotten better, but I sure miss the old days. Not many people are writing about how essential lots of time apart is, so sometimes I think it’s in my head. But deep down I know this is true for so many couples.

    Reply
    1. Bri Avatar
      Bri

      It’s NOT in your head-or maybe it is, meaning it’s all in my head AND yours🤯My secondary struggle is the guilt I feel over NOT enjoying all this time together when he clearly does. It used to be the other way around & I believe it still would be if I wasn’t so laid back & so darn-right pleasant to be around☺️We love each other dearly and have a healthy marriage after 20yrs together, but I miss the days when I’d beg him to call in sick so we could hang out at home together all day. I just need like 1-2 afternoons a week alone in my own home to do what needs done, but HE JUST WON’T LEAVE🤦🏼‍♀️
      Our first 7yrs of marriage I was a sahm to our 2 children & he used to go to work from 7am-7pm. Then he started working in another state altogether for about 5yrs, helping his dad Build up his business(flying out at 5am Monday morning and flying back Thursday around 4pm)while I did everything all week with our then elementary aged kids and couldn’t wait till he came back home!
      Our kids are in High school now and he works from home 24/7 & LOVES it! He doesn’t want me leaving the home for work we really don’t need, and neither do I….but I desperately wanna be alone & feel frozen in time till he happens to pop out for 20-30mins MAYBE 1-2x a week, tops. Problem is, I wanna be alone IN MY OWN HOUSE a little bit every day(or at least 2-3days)rather than away from it all day-he’ll just be there when I get home so what’s the point🤷🏼‍♀️He gets so hurt when I tell him why I’ve become less affectionate & lost all interest in going out on dates more than once every few months or so-I used to make date night a priority and we’d get a sitter 2-4 times a month, but that was when I actually missed being alone with him😢
      Our home hasn’t felt like my HOME since moving in 2yrs ago and I’m desperate to work on it freely without someone else’s energy infringing on my motivation. I feel like a lazy bum and a terrible wife and mom cuz I’m so anxious all the time about what I’m NOT doing or feeling anymore.

      Reply
      1. Leah Avatar
        Leah

        Wow I could’ve written this word for word!!
        I will spare you the details but pretty much the exact situation except mine goes to the office once a week. It is not enough!! I am drained & depressed. I can’t stand him being in the house all the time. He works in the basement where we have an office setup. He doesn’t understand why it bothers me because he believes he stays out of my space. What he doesn’t realize is I can hear all his calls, he’s always in & out, making lunch, talking to me, doing this, doing that. I never get any time to just be ALONE. Then I pickup the kids from school at 2:30 and I’m back in mom mode.

        I’m being serious when I tell you it’s driving me nuts. I am considering separation just so I can have time to myself!! I’ve brought it up with how him working from home bothers me but he just doesn’t see my view and he gets offended. I get told “this is my job, this is how it is, what am i supposed to do.” … Plus we are constantly arguing & annoyed with each other. He has honestly turned into a roommate at this point where I just feel “meh” about him. Feeling so lost. 🫤

        Reply
        1. Nicole Avatar
          Nicole

          I’m in the exact same predicament. I could’ve written the exact same thing. I’ve been looking for studio apartments on Zillow with the thought of just having a place to go to be alone since he doesn’t understand how absolutely necessary it is for me to have my space. I told him we could share the studio so he could have a place to work away from home (when I’m not there) and he won’t agree to this. I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown because he never leaves the house. I’m in a constant state of anxiety. I long for the days when he would leave the house at 7:00am and not get home until 7:00pm. I long for the days when he had to actually travel out of the country for work and be gone for weeks at a time. I don’t know how to make this work. I have seriously considered divorce, but I don’t want to disrupt my son’s lives and their sense of security. I don’t have the answers, but just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

          Reply
          1. LJ Avatar
            LJ

            I have been doing a search too, for something to rent or buy where I can go and have time to myself. My husband worked from home through COVID, then went back in to the office. Then he started working from home once in a while, and this past fall he moved his office entirely home and set up on the main floor of the house. He works 10-12 hour days and is constantly on calls. I work at a school and am done at 3:30…home by 4:00, and feel nothing but dread knowing I am walking right into his office at the end of my day, and that I’ll be “trapped” there until 8 or 9 at night, just before I go to bed. I have spoken to him about it and made some suggestions…set up office in master bedroom so he can still see out a window…set up a duplicate office in the basement where he can go when I come home or when I am off work (though I worry I’ll still hear him down there) but then he can work on the main floor when no one is home…add onto the house and enclose a back porch we have that we rarely use…He doesn’t like any of those ideas and says they won’t work. He does acknowledge that where he is set up now is not ideal for him either (dog barks at front door, me vacuuming when I clean, etc..) but he doesn’t see a solution. I don’t want to essentially move out, but I cannot take it. He said he gave up his office space when he moved home full time and all that is there for him now is a cubicle which he says also will not work. He just left today to go visit a friend out of town and will be working from there the rest of the week and I am overjoyed, yet this only gets me a temporary respite. I completely get where you are.

        2. L smith Avatar
          L smith

          I was wondering if your situation has improved , hopefully yes . I was in your exact position only my children were older and my eldest moved out unannounced without any help from myself on her19th birthday , sadly.

          Reply
    2. lynngracem Avatar
      lynngracem

      I feel your pain!

      Reply
    3. Noelle Schultz Avatar
      Noelle Schultz

      Looking for comfort and it’s so nice to know I’m not alone. My husband and I have both been home due to COVID for 9 months. It’s looking more and more like he can work at home permanently, and he completely intends to do so. I’ve been working largely at home since the 1990s. I’m an introvert and I can’t survive without alone time. I’m in a deep depression. I know people have real problems, we’re so lucky to have jobs, although I’ve lost about 50% of my income currently. I feel so guilty hating my life over something so stupid, but I never agreed to spend 24-7 with him. I absolutely hate it and feel like crying every single day. He barely works, has hours of free time daily, while I work about 10 hours a day and a few hours on weekends too. I get so jealous of his schedule I could cry. I’m totally at my wit’s end. My lifestyle, which I loved, has ended. I’m in constant mourning for my old life!

      Reply
      1. L Avatar
        L

        I know exactly what you mean. My husband has worked from home on and off for 10 years. It feels like he’s retired. He has tons of down time . We’ve talked endlessly about separating our day but he doesn’t really do it . He comes downstairs to get snacks, take out garbage , get the mail etc. or he just texts me all day long . He has no friends or hobbies and doesn’t plan on changing that . Then he feels I’m responsible to take him along everywhere I go because he’s stuck at home. Because he has no hobbies he wants to go to the mall with me and my daughters even though he hates the mall . It definitely feels depressing and like I’m being suffocated . I work night shift as a nurse and it’s so irritating when I come home and there he is on the couch . He travels sometimes but I don’t know if he ever will again because of covid .

        Reply
      2. Briana Avatar
        Briana

        This was written over a year ago, but damn I feel like I wrote this. Has it gotten better for you?

        Reply
  5. M Avatar
    M

    I’ve been working from home as a freelance writer for nearly three years now. I was stuck in the corporate loop hating my job, and I came home in tears one day after being so stressed out for so long, and my husband looked at me, told me that first thing tomorrow at work I was handing in my notice, and then I was going to figure out how to write for a living.

    Which I did.

    His support has been incredible. SO. It makes things very hard now because he’s also working from home. He saw the freedom my new career and lifestyle created (but I think maybe overlooked the discipline and misunderstanding from others) and wanted that for himself. I helped him create it.

    Now we both work full time from home. We live in a one bedroom suite. And I’m dying. He likes to work with music. I prefer silence. Therefore, we listen to music. He interrupts me constantly while I’m working to tell me about what he’s working on. I know he has good intentions and just wants to connect. But holy hell. It throws a wrench into my productivity. One five minute chat can steal half an hour of work from me in the day. It’s brutal. And it happens constantly.

    Oh. And don’t even get me started about the video games. That’s a tangent I can’t commit to right now lol.

    He looks to me for support when his work is stressing him out. I help him compose emails and cover letters and propositions for new work. And I’m there when he needs to vent. I feel like I’m spread so thin and all I want is to sit in a quiet, dark room for hours to just escape the chaos. This desire makes me feel so guilty.

    Anyway. I just wanted to hop on here. It feels good to know I’m not alone or a bad person for starting to feel resentful. I think we have a lot we need to work through in establishing new healthy habits to balance our marriage and our businesses.

    And my sanity.

    Reply
    1. Kristen Avatar
      Kristen

      Oh my gosh, same. We’re in a small 2 bedroom and I feel like I can’t escape him. The video game situation is also so repulsive! Seriously! I feel like I have a teenager in the house who won’t do his homework?? If we agree he’s going to go do some work and get out of my way, i take a breath and relax into it….then I start hearing video game chat. It makes my hair raise! Compounded by him later feeling like he has more work to do than time to do it. My husband definitely has adult add. He’s not cut out for this amount of freedom in his work life. It’s ending in Jan though, hopefully. However it truly terrifies me for what retirement one day could look like. I leave the house for work about 6 hard hrs a day, and really cherish the time I’m home before or after those 6 hours to relax…err USED to cherish. How do you cope?!

      Reply
      1. Lorraine Avatar
        Lorraine

        To be honest I did not cope well! I made him go to a co-working space, a coffee shop and a library to get out of my hair. I started to stay away from home. When I was home he would ask me what I was eating for lunch and I would tell him that he’s “at work” so go to McDonalds LOL! Things have changed here but it was a rough couple of years! I hope you experience some relief! I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I wrote about where I’ve been in my last post.

        Reply
    2. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      Music and writing. That’s a tough situation and tough to compromise. You are definitely not a bad person for feeling like this! I can’t tell you how down it got me. Some of it may be that we are so intertwined sometimes in our relationships that we forget how much of our alone time we truly need. It’s healthy. I started to simply take it. If it’s too noisy in the house, go to the library and write or a coffee shop! I promise you it will make a huge difference!

      Reply
    3. IEN Avatar
      IEN

      Reading all of your comments has made me feel less guilty about wishing my furloughed husband would GET OUT OF THE APARTMENT. He wants to do everything together and I’m about to go nuts even though he’s mostly a sweet and thoughtful guy and has taken on all the domestic duties around the house without me asking. I just have no space anymore because of Covid-19 life. I’m still busy with a full time job, but we are on mandatory work from home so I have nowhere to go. I need to work in silence but he wants to watch TV. He’s just not a quiet guy. I feel bad for feeling this way about my man and he gets butt hurt when I ask him to please go do something outside for a few hours. Ugh!! I don’t know what to do absent buying a 5 bedroom house for more space. (Which isn’t happening, so…) Thanks for reading.

      Reply
      1. Em Avatar
        Em

        Believe me, more space wouldn’t help. You’d just be confined to a bigger area of the house in an attempt to get away and stay away. I don’t know why men won’t leave the house, but apparently most won’t and there is no way to adjust to having someone around all the time. Hardly anyone wants to spend every minute with the same person.

        Reply
  6. Cynthia Avatar
    Cynthia

    Since April my husband is working literally 5minutes from our house. For years he was gone all day, and then the last two years commuting home on weekends from out of state. I do well and enjoy social situations, but I really like being alone too. Since this new job, he has me training him 3days a week, putting him through workouts midday then make him lunch, iced coffee. He is now increasingly coming home unexpected, “thought I’d come home for lunch” , “is that ok?” Of course it’s ok for him to be home and I adore him, but I have 4 kids and don’t want to feel like I have to cater to him or he’ll be possibly sensitive about it, plus it takes away from my time and schedule to fit in my workouts, work, and daily tasks that I really like to have done while kids at school so I can be in the right mindset to focus on them when they are home.
    He doesn’t really help with kids extracurriculars or homework, usually plays video game when he gets home then wrestles around with the boys or watches a show with them. He goes and golfs and fishing on weekend mornings which I’m glad he does, has a guy training him on days I don’t.
    I know this probably sounds petty, but as much as I do appreciate his hard work and what a great person he is, he’s driving me nuts because I don’t want to spend all day with him. He even asked me to start coming him to work and help him at his business on mornings when kids at school because he need my help, thinks it would be great to do together. I’m glad he likes and loves me but NO, LOL

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      I was exhausted reading this! Make him lunch and iced coffee. Honey it’s time to forget how to do that and make them taste a little gross HA HA! Hey. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! I’m with you!

      Reply
  7. Jeni K Avatar
    Jeni K

    You are my saving grace today! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I am in tour same situation. Husband worked out of office and traveled for 12 years and now for the past 5 he has been working “remotely”, which means from his home office (which is actually a downstairs guest bedroom), and traveling occasionally. This situation has put a major strain on our marriage and I borderline HATE him when he comes into the kitchen to get a glass of water or a cup of coffee and I have to move out of the way for him. And the questions as you mentioned…how are you? Going to gym? When kids home? Etc. It’s just too damn much time together! I don’t need to see his face 24/7. There is literally zero to talk about and no way in hell do I want to hang with him at night I’ve been with him all day! And he judges me. When we fight he will inevitable bring up that day I watched a movie or talked on the phone for too long. I am literally going to have to go and get a job to get away from him before I go insane. I’ve talked to him about these things but it doesn’t seem to affect him. Probably be when he needs space he can go into his office, with a lazy boy and big screen tv, and lock the door. No one is listening to his conversations or judging him. I used to love to clean and do laundry etc. chatting with a sister but I can’t do that anymore bc “Billy Big Ears” is there listening and judging. Omg help me I’m dying!!!!!!

    Reply
    1. Teena Avatar
      Teena

      You have my life!!
      I too am going insane I think, although I work outside the home all day everyday at a stressful job he has been working remotely over a year now. Most of his day is just answering a call or two- so much downtime it’s unreal.
      He does nothing to help with the housework, I need to do it when I get home, which makes me even more upset. Was trying to stay positive as he has to get called back soon- but now they are considering having all employees work permanently from home!!!!
      I haven’t been alone in the house in over a year now, not even 10 minutes.

      Reply
    2. Steff Avatar
      Steff

      That is hilarious!!!!! I have same problem!! But you made me laugh about it!

      Reply
  8. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Hi ,I am in a similar situation. My husband is working from gone for last 5 years.That was the last i achieved something signuficant to me.After that life is a mess.He isnt organised at all.He doesnt wants to help with house work,gardening.I cant have friends to see me at my house.House is always very dirty. I have to ckean and wait for time when kids are at school n he is out of station to call any friend home.I am studying once a week.and my studiea are also blunder due to lack of focus.wheb i try to atrange fone calls witj fellow ladies to study i get told off for sp3nding alot of time on fone.Its stressing me.In total no routine for cooking,cleaning studying .Altough i am a unorganised person but whenever i muster courage to setup a routine it fails and fills me with guilt.I am feeling stressed of this togetherness.Dont know how to convince him to find a office job so i can get my peace back.I feel i am getting in depression because of vonstant mess n no free time.He is loving otherwise but looks for moment of togetherness during the lunch break.

    Reply
  9. K.S.C Avatar
    K.S.C

    This is 2 years of my husband working from home. He does advertising sales, and the office is in the stairwell. We have a dog, and 3 kids. i work part-time out of the house, and manage all fo the kids appointments and activities. I hate this set up. He the option to work at an office about 10 to 15 minutes away but just doesn’t want to. The kids are always stressed out being home and I’m now trying to avoid being home. It’s exhausting and none of the housework is getting done. Unlike a lot of others, he’s does great working from home – he gets in the zone and is very productive. In someways – like parenting, making sure the kids make it home from school, etc – he might as well not be home. But he’s on phone calls, he doesn’t like interruptions, etc. I feel it creates a wall between us. I hate not knowing if I can talk or not talk, make noise or not make noise. I prefer the music blasting to focus and get work done, but can’t do that because he’s on sales calls, and can’t focus with noise. Prior to him working from home, I would always have kids over the house, but I can’t do that anymore either. It’s so stressful just having my 3 home when he works. He does travel occasionally, and I try to squeeze everything in on those days – take time off work to get housework done, playdates which doesn’t help the housework, etc. I really hate this. I just can’t get him to understand how even though he ‘hunkers down’ in the office it is so disruptive to everyone. FREE OFFICE 10 minutes away – UGH.

    Reply
  10. urbansensations Avatar
    urbansensations

    I know I’m late in responding but I’m so happy I found this post.. Slightly different situation but I’ve felt so alone AND annoyed the last month, and yes; it has only been a month. My husband is home with a hernia… and he cannot go back to work until at least another month. We moved just over a month ago (hence; the hernia 😉 ) and the first day that I would have some free-time at our house (free from work) he came home from his job with this hernia.. so goodbye freetime. Never been alone at home ever since.. (and again: it’s only been a month but I got fed up the first week already). I work two days from home and this is the first time in years that I’ve been happy to leave for the office the other 3 days (lucky that I can still do that..). He has taken over de household (should be a good thing, except he’s trying to change everything and criticises how I do it), he’s trying to make adjustments as we “speak” he’s at home today, I’m not.. And when he does his “manly chores” around the house to help me he is just stressing my out by remarks that “enter item name here” is a bad design and that I shouldn’t have chosen it (even though I talked about it with him beforehand), etc…
    I like that he does more around the house now, but why can’t he do it without whining.. I’m so stressed out by the way he acts. Why can’t he just spend his time doing his hobby or something that just concerns him and let’s everything else be the way it was…
    Also.. I don’t know why but I’ve been annoyed by him gaming until late at night.. so I was happy that he would be doing his hobby last Tuesday… well.. he made sure he did that before I got home and got back to gaming right before I was home “so he could spend some time with me”… UGH indeed

    Reply
  11. Nikki Brown Avatar
    Nikki Brown

    I feel I’m one of the forgotten victims of corona virus. It looks like he’ll be working from home now for good. I’ve lost the room in my house Where I could paint and do crafting, my food bills have gone up, I’m putting on weight and all I hear all day is the ringtone to his phone or him shouting at a screen during conference calls. What will I do when the weather turns and I can’t escape to the garden ? I retired for peace and quiet and a bit of time to myself and it’s noisier here than it is on a busy labour ward ! 😞

    Reply
    1. BeviB Avatar
      BeviB

      I hear you loud and clear Nikki. I have the same situation and it drives me to eat out of frustration. I’m constantly closing the study door because his voice hurts my head!

      Reply
  12. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    I’ve been dealing with this balance for 7 years. I’ve stayed home for 12 years and cherished always cherished my alone time. I was productive; I’d clean and organize more, I’d get mundane tasks done like dishes and laundry quickly as I could turn on music or turn on an interesting show and whip through things and enjoy them. My kids are older now so I looked forward to hosting my art club luncheons, coffees, get together a with friends and that’s all disappeared. The only time Im given a reprieve is when my husband plays golf. It’s become a huge struggle for me as I need alone time and space. I don’t know how this can continue. It’s a very real issue that I don’t think my husband realizes or understands. I feel smothered. We establish boundaries that last five minutes. It’s a very painful problem to try to work through. I have done side jobs and some design work but I am definitely not feeling any type of freedom.

    Reply
  13. Gary Avatar
    Gary

    You’re just a selfish bitch end of! Your husband is earning a living to provide food on the table be grateful for that you selfish cow!

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      Gary, I must admit that your reply to my blog post made me laugh. I work also and don’t need him to provide, but I understand why my post may have frustrated you. In this insane world, and forgive me for laughing, but this is the first time I’ve been called a selfish bitch or a cow, one must find moments to laugh. The truth is, I am an extremely generous person and both my husband and I work from home now and things are just great. In retrospect, when I wrote this post, and I can only say this because I am looking back now, he was so unhappy with what he was doing at his job that the tension and stress in our house was at an all-time high. Quite honestly, with COVID-19, I am sure that many couples find themselves in a similar situation. May you stay safe through this pandemic and I hope that you are in a stable situation yourself. Good luck. Lorraine PS-MOO

      Reply
      1. BeviB Avatar
        BeviB

        Lorraine it’s not okay for Gary to be posting that message. If he can’t express himself in a more polite way, I don’t think he deserves to be commenting on your blog. We are entitled to air our thoughts without being judged and called selfish bitch and selfish cow. Not acceptable!

        Reply
        1. Lorraine Avatar
          Lorraine

          Bev, Yes I agree completely. I think that sometimes people who are so angry are really hurting. It’s not OK to attack though. Hugs, L

          Reply
  14. K W Avatar
    K W

    Has anyone heard any suggestions on how to let your husband know this? I’m in the same boat,,he works in the basement, but is upstairs all the time. He’s not trying to bother me,,but I really miss my alone time. Once I even told him he should take a sack lunch to “work”. I will say something like,,you must not be very busy today, and he always says, oh, I am. ugh,,,then stay downstairs. How do I tell him to not come upstairs at all for 8 hours??? 🙂

    Reply
    1. Elaine Avatar
      Elaine

      Wow… you gals are not alone. We are the forgotten victims of covid. And it really sucks because no one seems to care about how we feel everyone working from home seems to be having a blast while ruining the other persons alone time. I work outside the home and he has been working from home for almost 2 years and it is just awful. I walk in the house and I feel like I’m on stage. I don’t feel any difference between home and work anymore it’s been a challenge and to hear this may be permanent makes me feel very disturbed and I feel like my alone time and detox time will never come back and I don’t know what will happen. Since I know for a fact that this isn’t what I want.

      Reply
    2. Federico Avatar
      Federico

      Isn’t his home too?!
      Why you people are so entitled?

      Reply
      1. Carrie Avatar
        Carrie

        I see how you could feel that way, but consider this.

        How would you feel if your wife suddenly came to your job every day, even though she didn’t need to be there. Is that what you signed up for when you got married? Being in the same 1500 sq.ft. area 24/7?

        Very often when our husbands work at home instead of the office they either work less than before (because of the distractions of being home) of much more (because there is no “work/home” separation). It’s disruptive to the wives and children who live in close proximity to the home workspace.

        Reply
  15. Katie Avatar
    Katie

    I’ve been dealing with this for almost 20 years. I’m a sahm, husband works from home. The first 10 years were bad, but not as bad as the last 10 years.

    He has gone from occasionally leaving the house to almost never leaving the house. These past 6 days he left the house for about 30 minutes total, to get a haircut. He didn’t go to the gym, the store, nothing.

    I find myself leaving the house as much as possible just because I can’t stand spending every minute of every day with the same person. We love each other, but I can’t get anything done around the house when he’s always ALWAYS there. He doesn’t even spend much time in his office, which wouldn’t help me anyway because it’s not separated from the rest of the house.

    I’ve talked to him several times about this, but he doesn’t understand and gets his feelings hurt when I try to explain to him that I need time to myself at MY workplace, the home. He doesn’t have to go away a LOT. I could appreciate just a couple hours 3 times a week.

    Side note: how can anyone live like he does? Who can voluntarily stay at home almost 24/7? I would go crazy with cabin fever. I go somewhere every day, even if its just to drop off and pick up our child from school. I have my exercise classes, grocery shopping, taking our child to to all the things she does, etc. WHY WON’T HE LEAVE?

    Reply
  16. lynngracem Avatar
    lynngracem

    Omg, good to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. I love my husband, but I need some space, me time, time to think and do my own thing.

    He too is working from home now, and we were around each other too much. Funny, sane questions, are you going to the gym? Why do you have to get out and do different things? Why don’t you stay home?

    It gets in my nerves sometimes. I love going into the office now when I can, and he could live in a cave!

    We women want our havens to ourselves, to do whatever, to not answer 1000 questions, or be expected to have sex just because we are home too.

    Please give us the much deserved break, especially when we still have kids at home too, we need and deserve a bit of ourselves pre marriage and kids.

    I became engulfed, smothered, depressed, lost my sense of self and identity, and now am fighting to get me back! I no longer care what he says, nor will I feel
    Like a possession, guilt, or emotionally manipulated.

    This is me, these are my needs, and I can be around you or with you 24/7, and yes, I do enjoy talking to my female psychologist about midlife stuff, parenting and the lack of support I’m missing… so what? My life, so butt out, and start paying attention more to your own, not me.

    Girlfriends, break free, speak up, get the time and space you need! You will be happier for it. We are not here to sacrifice our whole being. It’s a balance, but we all deserve some personal space and time for our mental health!

    Fight for the freedom you need. Listen to your own heart. I’m a better wife, mom, friend and employee because of it. We have needs, and they matter!

    Reply
    1. Danielle Whipple Avatar
      Danielle Whipple

      My husband is also all about having sex when he has a break. Yeah, I know you have a couple of hours, but now is the time I can do all the noisy things I need to get done. Go away.

      Reply
  17. lynngracem Avatar
    lynngracem

    A wise older woman once told me: men are like cavemen. They can live in a cave!

    Sorry, not me, I need variety, people, change of scenery!

    Reply
  18. Erin Lang Norris Avatar
    Erin Lang Norris

    I’m a “victim” of the work from home lifestyle brought forth by covid. I work weekends and have a few weekdays off. All summer I’ve been wondering what I will do when the weather cools….I’ve been very patient all summer long, but now I’ve spent the last week indoors and I am going to go crazy! He works from the living room and all I can do is sit in my room. The housework doesn’t get done because I generally do it with the music up, after hanging out on thw couch with my coffee and a magazine for a bit. Now the TV is on all day, there are constant conference calls. He doesn’t use a headset….I can feel my blood pressure rise every time I hear his notification for a new conference call go “beepbeep!” Uugh. He says “don’t let my schedule mess up your day, just di what you usually do.” Ha. I’m an extreme introvert….this has been hard without my recharge time.

    Anyway, we turned the guest room into an office. He picked the wall color, we repainted….got a beautiful rug, a lovely lounge chair….a new desk, a new office chair. Its decorated nicely. I dont want to seem like a mega B, but damn it! Go in your office!!!

    I’m thinking I’ll just have to have a conversation with him, stating that Mondays and Tuesdays are simply “office” days, the end. This doesn’t seem hard to do, and it’s not, but he’s the bread winner and has a terribly stressful job, so I try to be accommodating.

    Ugh, the most annoying thing now has been, if I leave the house to go on a drive, he asks “where did you go?” Or if I take a call “who were you on the phone with?” Ha, really? This is 13 year old me all over again. Gah!

    All this to say, I feel you. Its hell! Perhaps I will just go lounge in the couch and turn in the music. Pull out the vacuum. He’ll get the idea, yeah?

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      This made me laugh (and cry at the same time). Introverts need to recharge and during COVID we’ve been robbed of that mental health break!

      Reply
  19. K Avatar
    K

    Mine takes any comments about me needing personal space as an attack. I’d like to hear ideas for how to talk about how to ask for more private time? It’s so tricky because of covid, etc.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      I’m not sure there’s anything to say! I was hiding in my basement today. LOL

      Reply
  20. Sarah C Avatar
    Sarah C

    I’m in the same boat, my husband had been working from home for 8 months now since Covid, even before Covid he work from home 2 days out of week, because he is in IT, and I think it’s very common for IT industry to allow employees working from home, and a lot of time if he get up too late, want to watch a show or talk to people on the phone, he will stay home for a few hours on his not work from home day, the problem I have with him is that when he is working from home, he is either focus on his work, or wondering around the house looking for stuff, or lying on the couch and play with his phone, and not connected with me, and a lot of time when I just want to chill in the living room by myself he decide to come to the living room for water break, and every time I want to watch a show or talk on the phone by myself, he somehow decided to come to check on me, and he will want to know what I’m watching and who I’m talking to, and a lot of time I just want to keep it to myself, I’m just plain tired he is home all the time, and his industry is going to be last industry to call employees back to work, and sometime when I get up in the morning, just the fact I don’t know when he will go back to the office make me anxious, this is definitely way too much togetherness, IT industry managers if you guys are reading this please be more considerate of wives that don’t want their husbands home all the time.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      My husband just came up to me, looked at me and just stood their smiling. He’s an extrovert. I’m an introvert. It’s tough!

      Reply
  21. ChrisD Avatar
    ChrisD

    I found this blog by googling “Anyone else going crazy with their husband WFH?” after another day of my husband’s mere presence all day in our two BR apt. getting on my last nerve. He just asked an innocent question and I wanted to snap his head off. But just reading this has made me laugh and improved my spirits. I can relate to so many of the situations and feelings here. As the saying goes, misery loves company.

    Reply
    1. Danielle Whipple Avatar
      Danielle Whipple

      Found you by googling “going insane from spouse working from home.” My situation is so similar to yours. I think one of the hardest parts is the uncertainty – will today have a ton of meetings where I have to keep quiet all day and ignore most of what I need to do? Will today be a light meeting day and I’ll have my husband following me around like a puppy, talking at me all day? No matter what, I lose. Can’t do any of the home improvements I wanted to do – too noisy. Can’t clean near the office, can’t vacuum. Can’t practice instruments (I play two). Can’t talk at a normal volume when my mother stops by. Kids have to be quiet. Dog can’t bark. My whole day is wondering if I’m being too loud for his meetings, and I am stressed tf out about it. This has been going on since about October, and I’m not sure I can handle much more. The house was supposed to be my domain once both kids were in school full time (fall 2020 was the first semester of this, and with the Rona, I had to homeschool for about 1/3 of the semester). Now it’s me avoiding any noisy activity. I guess I’ll, I dunno, communicate with him about it. Probably after I’ve had a mental break.

      Reply
      1. Lorraine Avatar
        Lorraine

        This made me laugh because of how relatable your words were! I just wrote a post today about how the introvert inside of me is slowly dying. Hang in there!

        Reply
    2. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      And this is why I used a picture of Harley Quinn in my post today. I feel CRAZY!

      Reply
  22. Becky Avatar
    Becky

    This is the first blog post that I have ever read that touches on what I am experiencing. Since quarantine March 2020, my husband has been working from home and LOVES it. I, on the other hand, am going crazy.

    I have been a stay at home for 20 years and still have children under 18 at home. I was enjoying being at home full time and was picking up new hobbies. In the back of my mind I knew I would need to find a job THE DAY MY HUSBAND RETIRES. I just knew I didn’t want to be around him 24/7. I go places just to get away from my husband: run more errands, take a book and coffee wherever I go to read and get solitude in my car.

    My husband complains that I give short answers and don’t initiate any conversation. I don’t want to see him at all since he has been home all day. Since I don’t get the weekdays (alone) at home to loose myself in cleaning, cooking, making our house a home, I feel like I am constantly going somewhere in the house for solitude to get away.

    I have lost all interest in cleaning and cooking has only become a chore. I don’t even care what the house looks like anymore because I don’t find any joy when I am home. I am an introvert, but love to be around people WHEN I have had that alone time. Without that alone time I am not functioning well and there is no end in sight (my husband has said he thinks it’s permanent and would only look into other jobs if he could work from home).

    This is definitely not healthy for our marriage and I don’t think it can be healthy for my husband to hardly leave the house except for at max 3 hours a week. I suspect that I may have some depression as a result of this, and I am not someone who has ever struggled with depression.

    Reply
    1. BeviB Avatar
      BeviB

      Hi Becky, I feel every word of what you’ve written. The longer it goes on the worse it becomes. My husband has an office to go to now but continues to work from home and does not have any awareness of my need for solitude in my HOME. I feel like I’m living with a house guest who has overstayed his welcome.

      Reply
    2. Lj Avatar
      Lj

      Oh my gosh, your last two paragraphs are me exactly! I am definitely depressed over the same situation as yours, and I too have never struggled with depression before. How is your situation now, a couple of years later?

      Reply
      1. Becky Avatar
        Becky

        My situation has pretty much not changed, but I have found tools to help me emotionally and mentally with the help of a therapist. I have good days and bad days and am still working to find an outlet where I can recharge my batteries. If you can imagine, my introvert batteries have not been fully charged in almost 3 years now. I feel like my husband thinks everything is peachy because I have not mentioned it in over a year, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

        I would say the depression has improved, but never fully gone away. My therapist has helped me see that I can’t depend on what others do (including choose to work from home) for my mental health to improve. It’s a fine balance because alone time is needed as an introvert, but I can’t dictate or control what other adults in my life choose to do. I can only make choices for myself in that environment.

        It still makes me sad to think about my precovid life vs now, but I still have things to be thankful for and I am free to live my life as I need.

        Reply
        1. SJ Avatar
          SJ

          I am so glad to know that I am not alone. It’s been over three years of him working from home now. We moved from the city to the country. We have two in high school and a toddler. And a barking puppy. It would be a one and a half hour commute for him to go into the office, so that if pretty much off the table. The stress of having to keep our toddler and puppy quiet is severe. The housework is piling up. Everyday feels the same. Our eldest teenage is struggling with severe mental health issues, which isn’t to do with husband being at home, but I feel so stretched thin, there is literally nothing left in the tank for me. I feel no joy in life. I cry every other day. I love my husband, he is a wonderful generous provider, but I need some space or I don’t know how I’m going to keep going. I fell in love with our property when we bought it, but now it feels like it is my prison sentence.

          Reply
  23. Katie Avatar
    Katie

    I think we could all benefit from some couples counseling. I hate when the men get all hurt and offended when we want some alone time to do our work. I’m always like, “I’m not your Mommy. Let go of the apron strings.” They just don’t understand.

    I’ve been tempted to raise a scenario where a husband goes to the office and the wife goes with him every single day and does her own thing, moves around his stuff, makes noise while he’s working, makes unwanted suggestions, asks him what he’s doing every time he looks up, and never leaves even for one hour to let him do his job.

    I think our husband’s aren’t seeing the home as our workplace. They don’t get it.

    Reply
  24. EVP97 Avatar
    EVP97

    I’m glad I stumbled upon this. Before COVID, my husband used to leave the house before I woke up and we wouldn’t be home until 6:00 PM. Sure, it was hard getting myself and my daughter ready solo, but I did it… and I realize now that it was GLORIOUS. Since March 2020, my husband and I have both been working from home… and i completely detest it. My daughter associates her father with “play time,” so she just doesn’t listen as well when he’s around. Plus, I dearly miss my alone time. Home used to be where I went to get some peace and quiet… my daughter would be at school, my husband was at work, the silence was bliss. It was my place, and it sounds crazy but I feel like my husband has moved in on my territory. There’s no silence at home now… just a constant barrage of sounds and questions. I miss my old life so much I could just cry. And the irony of the situation is that my husband LOVES working from home and likely won’t stop unless he’s forced. He just doesn’t need quiet time like I do, and he’s blind to how it’s affecting me. I’m not sure this will ever end… and I’m not okay. Nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    Reply
    1. Becky Avatar
      Becky

      I feel your pain. When I am in my zone, I don’t want questions of what I’m doing or where I am going. I purposely try to run errands when my husband is on a meeting so I don’t have to explain where I am going, what I am getting, etc. This is my job and when my my husband worked outside of the home I didn’t call him every time I ran errands or did something around the house. As far as I am concerned, I didn’t change jobs, my husband did. I expect the level of communication to stay the same as it was when he was AT work. My husband, however, expects that if he is getting coffee in the kitchen and I am cleaning up, that it’s a good time to chat. I am working! I don’t want to chat! I realize that my sound harsh, but I like to have time when I can zone out and get things done. When my husband is in a meeting, I like knowing that he is occupied and won’t bother me, but I don’t like the feeling that I am at work with him. My house of peace is now someone’s work space. I feel like everyday my husband comes to work with me and I go to work with him which is not good for me.

      Reply
      1. Elaine Avatar
        Elaine

        Becky, it’s weird what covid has shown us,, I feel the exact same way. I don’t wanna be questioned or say “Im going to the store” I felt alone and kinda weird until I read everyones comment on here. We just didn’t sign up for a 24/7 partner…everyone needs balance in their life and alone time is a big part of that. Wish I had an answer for, ” how do we go back to the way things were?”

        Reply
  25. AliciaH Avatar
    AliciaH

    OMG. My husband has also always been up and gone before I get up and home around 6. We had a fairly good marriage despite some hardships. Now when COVID hit he started WFH before lockdown and he joked that he loved working from home so much he was going to make it full time and I flat out told him no, no joking… no. He always just laughed… so I started freaking out about it early. Then lockdown happened. Now they can start going back into work in September and he was going to stay WFH and I had a literal breakdown. I am a SEVERE introvert, and on top of that I have multiple chronic illnesses and pain conditions, and panic/anxiety. I haven’t worked since 2009, right before we were married. Being stuck with him home 24/7 has been a literal nightmare. It’s really starting to affect our marriage too now. I’m severely depressed now, gained 30lb, have zero interest in sex, the house is a disaster, I have unfinished projects strown everywhere. I used to enjoy cooking, now I barely want to eat. I don’t go to bed until around 2am now just so I can have time to myself. I have constant muscle spasms and headaches and upset stomach and worsening anxiety and all my conditions are in constant flare up. I love my husband, before this I was always thrilled when he got days off or didn’t go hang at a friends on the weekend. Now I feel like a caged animal and break down in tears (after he’s gone to bed) because he’s NOT going to visit a friend on Saturday. He says I don’t show any interest in him or his work anymore…. because my life is now constantly his work!

    I think I’ve convinced him to return to office full time… but I’m not sure I can last another month and half. And then there is all the uproar about how requiring people to go into an office is bad and everyone should work from home so I feel guilty on top of it all.

    I finally broke down and made an appointment with a therapist online…. but of course my appointment is for this weekend when he was supposed to be gone and now he will be home! I don’t know how to keep him from listening in.

    I don’t know how to survive this anymore.

    Reply
    1. Robin Gaddy Avatar
      Robin Gaddy

      Oh, Alicia… everything you just said! I’m in a very similar boat. I have had several back surgeries and have interstitial cystitis… both limiting me. I’ve become the full time caregiver for my sister who has Pradeep Willi syndrome and Parkinson’s…. I had a routine… where I would work/clean/cook in spurts…. Rest a bit// works some.. etc. now it is so overwhelming. I hide in
      My room…just to gather my thoughts… I had to
      relocate my room to beside my sisters… because I have to keep an eye on her … now I have sky high blood pressure … and depression…

      Reply
  26. Becky Avatar
    Becky

    AliciaH,

    My heart breaks reading your comment, as I completely understand that feeling. I have gone to a therapist and she has heard the same thing from others. It’s like you can never uplug because having another person home 24/7 with you has your brain “on” all the time. Without the “off” time as an introvert, it causes depression like symptoms. The extremely few times I have the house to myself, I feel so energized and get a lot done. I am then in my element.

    As difficult as it is, it is important to explain to your husband how this is affecting you and the marriage. Whether you have kids or not, being at home is your job, and right now you are going to work with each other every day. This gets very monotonous and doesn’t give both of you the space to experience time away from each other and time to reconnect. I don’t know if your husband is an introvert or extrovert, but if he is looking to you to provide his social outlet that is not healthy for either of you.

    What if the situation was turned around and you wanted your husband to work from home because you wanted him home all the time and being at home all the time was stressing him out and making him go crazy. Would he then have to sacrifice his joy in going to work because of what you wanted. In the same way, you are having to sacrifice the work environment that works for you because of what your husband wants. I realize marriage if about compromise and sacrifice, but this is causing real problems for you. Is your husband going into the office a real problem or a sacrifice he can make for you and the health of the marriage?

    Reply
  27. Carrie Avatar
    Carrie

    I’m so thankful to have found this blog post! I’ve been looking online the past few months wondering if other housewives are going through the same thing I am. I must not have been searching the right terms because this is the first thing I’ve found.

    My husband also began working from home in March 2020. It was alright at first. I’m very introverted so the long hours my husband worked gave me all the time I needed to recharge and be excited to see him when he got home.

    The first year was tough. He took over my sewing table (an old dining room table) in the laundry room of our basement. I ended up having to do laundry in the evening and on weekends to not get in his way. Last February we had an office framed-in in the basement for him, but he keeps dragging his feet on putting up the drywall, so he’s really still “in” the laundry room, just 10 feet further away.

    The past seven months have been brutal. I feel like I cannot get away from him and I see so much of my experience in the comments here! I’ve been drinking more, mood-eating, staying up later, going to the library to hide in the study rooms, neglecting my housework, disappearing into podcasts and YouTube videos for hours on end, and on and on. I even started smoking again after having quit 15 years ago when I got pregnant with our first son. I absolutely HATE that I no longer like being around the best friend I’ve ever had; the love of my life.

    The worst part, though, is that the stress is infecting all other parts of my life and I’m becoming a crappy mother because I have no space or time to recharge my batteries. I’m fatigued, impatient and have constant stomach aches. The thought of having sex with my husband makes me want to cry, which makes me feel like a horrible wife.

    He really enjoys working from home and has no desire to go back to the office. I told him that I think he should go back, at least a couple days a week but he doesn’t want to. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    1. Carrie Avatar
      Carrie

      Update:

      I got a job cleaning houses during the hours my kids are in school last month. It’s torn up my middle-aged body, to the point that I’m having two carpal tunnel surgeries in the next 3 weeks and have to wear a compression brace on my knee because of overuse. I’ve gone from cleaning one house each week to 6-8. It’s tough, but I’m happier than I was last summer when I made my first post. Sucks that I needed to get a job that tears up my body to save my emotional health, when all that needed to be done to fix the situation was for him to get back to the office… where he belongs.

      It’s not ideal, but this job may have saved my husband’s and my friendship.

      Reply
      1. Lorraine Avatar
        Lorraine

        I have very mixed feelings about this Carrie! You have the space you need at the expense of your body, a mental vs. physical move. Is there any possible way to take a next step and seek out something not so demanding? Big hug!

        Reply
      2. Carrie Avatar
        Carrie

        Since first finding this blog in August 2021 I’ve returned many times to read through the comments. To feel a connection to others in a similar position and reassure myself that I’m not some unreasonable, selfish, inflexible woman. Everyone here has helped me, but nothing I’ve tried has helped enough. I’ve decided to divorce my husband.

        We recently began marriage counseling. We both could see divorce in our future and wanted to find out of we could save our marriage. Our marriage was never great, but it was good and I was willing to do whatever necessary to give our boys a safe, loving home. We did that and they’ve grown into good young men.

        But, it’s just too late. Three plus years of asking my husband to please return to the office and him choosing his want over my desperate need has killed my love for him. I hate this so much! Sixteen years of marriage ruined for such a stupid reason!

        Reply
        1. Monica Avatar
          Monica

          I’m sorry Carrie. One of my best friends just got divorced this year too after being married 34 years. He started wfh about 6 years ago after a layoff and no job for almost 2 years. Both situations killed her marriage.
          My husband got laid off a year ago and still no job. I commented on here last year. I honestly feel all of us commenting here would be great friends lol. We all GET IT.
          We need our alone time, we don’t need any criticism from our partners, and we need some absence to miss them! My husband will “remind” me to do things all day long and it drives me insane! Somehow I functioned all these years when he was at work! I’m not an employee of his and no dementia (yet!) so reminders are not needed!
          Good luck ladies! WFH is here to stay it seems. Do what’s best for YOU.

          Reply
        2. Lorraine Avatar
          Lorraine

          Are you still in counseling? I feel your words with everything in my being. I wrote this blog post before Covid and my situation did worsen, to the point that I felt very much the same, an unreasonable, selfish and inflexible woman. I couldn’t have said it better. Now…somehow….my husband has agreed to move his office to the basement and it’s transformed my daily life. Everything is not perfect but it’s better. I wish you the very best on your journey and just encourage you to be kind to yourself with whatever path you take.

          Reply
  28. Katie Avatar
    Katie

    Maybe we could give them a taste of their own medicine? The home is our “office”, or workspace.

    We should start setting up a spot for ourselves in THEIR workspace and just stay there every day for a week.
    Watch videos on your phone without earbuds while he’s trying to work. Every time he switches to a new activity, ask him what he’s doing.

    Periodically get up and rearrange things on his desk because you think your way is better and you’re only trying to “help”. Every time he adjusts the thermostat, adjust it the other way. Whenever he takes a break to relax, that’s when it’s our time to vacuum or run the blender. If he wants the door open, close it. If he wants it closed, open it.

    If he gets up to go to the bathroom, ask him where he’s going. If he leaves the house, insist on going with him.

    I’m not trying to be mean, but that is EXACTLY what it’s like having someone in MY workplace all day every day.

    Reply
    1. Leah Avatar
      Leah

      Omg, I think I need to to this. Are we living the same life?? Lol

      Reply
    2. elle Avatar
      elle

      what’s with the asking where I’m going or what I’m doing? Excuse me sire, I’m a grown woman and I don’t answer to you. I miss doing this or that without someone to answer to. It’s almost like a strict dad watching over me at all times.

      Reply
  29. kazumi Avatar
    kazumi

    I’m on the same boat. My husband requested his company to “permanently” work remote and the company approved it. Last few months his work slowed down and he has lots of down time. He looks like semi-retired. I work as night shift nurse at hospital. I miss my old days of being alone at my house after I came home from work and my kids were gone to school. For the last 18 months my husband is at home all the time and I HATE it. I have no time to unwind. I used to love cooking but no more cuz he is around the kitchen to make his own BF and lunch. For the last 6 months have been telling my husband that his at home all the time is killing our marriage and I’m having psych issue. No matter I begged him to go back to office, he refused. I hate him now, I even have feeling of harming him.

    Reply
  30. Linnie Avatar
    Linnie

    It has been 627 days since my husband started working from home. 627 too many.

    Reply
  31. Wickedly Ruined Avatar
    Wickedly Ruined

    Since Covid-19 my dear husband was stuck working in masks daily at his old job. We moved to this location with the intention that he could get his dream job at a company he went to college fantasizing about having and for a job he loathed, but needed to get noticed by the fortune 500 dream job. I went to college for music and I sing and play instruments. My husband does music as well. I edit and record music at home during the day and make the home. We don’t have any kids together and we live in a 1 bedroom apartment the size of a three car garage.

    Tired of wearing a mask to work for 8-10 hours a day doing backbreaking labor moving desks and setting up computer workstations due to every osha mandate issued since November 2019 rocked out world he applied exclusively to the jobs at this Company. In 2021, he was finally hired remotely at his dream job. Surreal, we went to the glittering magazine depicted campus to get his workstation and set it up in our living room. He loves his job and we both love this company. In January 2021 he breezed through his probation and got two promotions. This company has been embroiled in a lawsuit for years, and we feel like the plaintiffs are infringing on the lives of new employees. He was scheduled to get assigned a office and desk at the official worksite in February 2022. Our landlord is raising the rent and making tough rules like making smoking a lease violation (which is against the Tenant rights act of California because it is a rule stricter than state law, smoking is obviously legal). Also in January 2021 we were embroiled in yet another federal court matter so now we’re facing 2 different federal court cases brought against his employer and a total of around 15 plaintiffs, interested parties, a bid for a illegal buyout by a company notorious for layoffs that is in default and deeply in crisis with supply chain shortages caused by their manufacturing departments. I am a former postal worker, and I feel like an unpaid employee in my own home. He spends roughly 4-7 hours a day on conference calls via zoom that may or may not become federal court matters or subpoenable material and I am livid.

    I LOVE having him home. Yet he has cried about his opportunities being sabotaged. A grown man in tears. I don’t get to use my apartment to do my voice warmups or sing anymore. The company dictates what times of day I can cook or make noises. My home is disgusting and I have OCD and 2 emotional support pets who need to play and bark and my throat aches from being forced into this much silence daily. I don’t get to turn music on and make songs or publish music performance videos anymore and I can’t even edit my own original music without feeling “onstage virtually” or risking it leaking. He plays guitar for our band which is a business I run, and sometimes we perform photography or music for other bands or businesses and act as an entertainment vendor for events. Obviously this activity has all been suspended since Covid-19 and the mask mandates began. I initially enjoyed virtually performing my music and spending time daily during the day doing my scales and arpeggios and warming up by voice with lessons while he was at work however my work hours have been reduced from 8 am to 8 pm (per noise regulations and instrument playing or cooking hours allowed in my crazily illegal residential lease) to around 5pm -8 pm).

    I am now competing for workspace in my own home workspace without a pay package or a contract with a fortune 500 entertainment corporation at risk of being asset forfeited by a state regulatory department, 6 plaintiffs who committed workplace misconduct and harassment against married male employees, and 2 federal enforcement agencies. I am uncontracted and unrepresented. My landlord is also operated by a federal owned asset management firm. I have no recourse except to cease my business activity and cook lunch and dinner every day.

    Our only restroom is 10 feet away from his desk, and I stuff a towel under my door to cover my IBS and GERD. I have ADHD, OCD, and panic disorder. I’ve probably never been this depressed in my life. I started sleeping in till 12-1 daily to cope so I don’t have to hear his single female colleagues that he’s on the phone with daily for hours ask him to mute the microphone so they don’t hear me dart, do chores, shush my barking dogs or make me stop snoring.

    He’s never been assigned a desk or an office and in December his company announced that he will on emergency remote access deployment until June or until further notice. In January another company made a bid to bail this company out and its a company that we both despise. My husband and I paid a lot of money to relocate here for this opportunity. We pay 2 thousand a month in rent, up from 1235 a month in 2018 in a beautiful beach town 30 miles up the coast. We can’t hope to move into a 2 bedroom even with the promotions. We have no idea if he will ever have anything but wfh status and are on emergency standby within a 20 mile radius while his worksite sits in controversy, and no return date in sight. This is interminable, and I have never worked in a mask and ran out of unemployment in 2020.

    Reading these comments really made me feel better. I honestly can’t take much more – I would love his work from home assignment if it wasn’t for the fact that we’re stuffed into a tiny space with the neighbors asking us if we do something illicit for a living paying insanely high rent in an area that evicts people for having a cigarette and had mask mandates in place for all workers for the last two years. It’s absolutely criminal.

    At some point I pray the federal government blocks the merger and SCOTUS has an emergency hearing to restore my right to work without wearing a mask unobstructed and forcibly reopen worksites under controversy from default, mergers, or covid related asset forfeiture lawsuits and fines via court order. All these employers are federal contract owners, and we are in custody of an ERAD workstation without knowing who will actually own it or who it belongs to should layoffs come, and we never leave our home for fear of possible theft because it is a backdoor security threat and we are responsible if anything happens to it. This equipment is probably worth more than the sum of our entire household goods including our business equipment for recording and sound for our band. My husband signed a publicity and likeness usage deal for this company upon his employment. We don’t like the idea of that being bought or sold. We also were forced to both sign one for our current landlord and I also had a preexisting publicity rights deal for 3 different corporations before I met him. I feel like we had no alternative, pawns on the chessboard of consolidation.

    In 2020, his former employer threatened to sue me over my social media posts and announced an intention to prevent me from posting his likeness or IP on my publications for either our appearance as a married couple or a band, leaving him to contact his labor attorney and threatening an inducement fraud lawsuit after a 7 month furlough following the closure of their worksite in early 2020. He was rehired with different working conditions wearing a mask until accepting this offer of his current employment and resigned.

    Now we’re trapped in the controversy with no way out, our home life on conference call up to 50 hours per week. My silence is killing my motivation. I feel like my voice could become permanently damaged if this goes on much longer or were I to work outside the home in a mask daily.

    To add insult to injury we invested a lot of time and money to be located here to get this job and feel it’s unfair competition for remote opportunities to be given to people who didn’t spend their hard earned money to be close to the worksite as we did, and then have that opportunity squandered by a squalid competitor in manufacturing and regulatory or Law Enforcement Agencies and their plaintiffs or remote employees and contractors who want government to control our opportunities in the entertainment industry. At this point our only hope to not be laid off as we sign a new 12 month lease with higher rent and more restrictions is if the federal enforcement agencies block these illegal and grossly deceptive bids by competitors and regulators determined to illegally compete us all out of business permanently.. As for working from home, it would be absolutely heaven if we had a 3 or 4 bedroom single story with a private backyard featuring our own private heated pool and spa and no HOA. As for right now, where our landlords dictate the minutae of our day to day lives like no cooking and no instruments after 8 pm M-S and no music or cooking after 6 pm on Sundays and no smoking or vaping anywhere on the property (stricter than state or local ordinances allow) and the spa is 85 degrees 40% of the time, no skating is allowed (I also skate), and our last landlord banned electronic badge access to the heated pools without an appointment so they controlled who we could swim with and it was always a competitor or a party in controversy related to work. Living in this location is a nightmare.

    Reply
  32. laura Avatar
    laura

    i just read your blog… a few years too late and i’m wondering how you resolved it. I found it so valuable to read – thank you for writing it because it’s exactly how i feel at the moment, just worded in a different way and therefore i was able to send it to my husband and i am hoping he is able to read it and digest it objectively.. in a quiet moment i will read all the responses you got, but at this stage i just want to say a huge thank you and wonder what happened next…

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      I have more good days than bad days now. He is still at home, but I can tell you that my best days hapoen when he focuses on his work and lets me be. It is very healthy to have space and we are almost at a point where he doesn’t take it personally. On days when I feel overwhelmed, I leave the house for hours. To be honest, the biggest challenge for me is that I don’t write so much or even work as much as I need do on my consulting work (part time) because I’m so distracted by it all. It makes me feel like I don’t have the ability to carve a small slither of life in my day. However, I’ve been working on myself and being unapologetic for what I need. I have started to exercise and take mental health walks. The challenge is that I’m an introvert and need to recharge my social batteries. Anyway it’s still mixed, but we’ve settled into a more even pace!

      Reply
  33. Tabitha Avatar
    Tabitha

    Husband has worked from home nearly three years. I’ve retired a year ago. It drives me crazy to have no alone time in the house. Even though he’s working he keeps coming upstairs constantly. I feel like I can’t relax and always need to be busy doing something. I do a lot but sometimes I would like to take a break and sit down for a few minutes. Inevitably the minute I sit down he’s always coming up to check on what I’m doing. As well some housework I need to leave until after he’s finished work or he’s worried it will get too noisy. Because I’m retired and he’s still working I’m expected to do absolutely everything. It seems unfair as when I was working I still did nearly everything and was exhausted. I feel he should still help with a few things. I am still expected to pay for some house expenses and all my personal expenses. Yet he acts like I don’t contribute anything and says he’s the one bringing in all the money. It’s unfortunate, but unless you are actually earning a wage anything you do is undervalued. They are talking about going back to work at the office soon. I really would look forward to it if that actually happens. I so enjoy alone time and don’t need constant togetherness.

    Reply
  34. Mandy Avatar
    Mandy

    Oh my gosh everyone I am so happy to read all these posts! I’m in a similar but even worse situation! My husband was laid off end of last year! Was given 2 weeks notice. So now he spends all his time doing interviews on his computer or talking to recruiters on the phone. We have dogs that bark constantly so I’m always having to deal with trying to keep them quiet! I’ve been a SAHM but my child is now an adult and moved out 3 months ago before his layoff. She’s my best friend and I miss her being here. My husband is a perfectionist and makes comments about dishes not getting done timely etc. He also yells alot when frustrated (which is often!). I’ve got health problems so I can’t work and have stayed home alone since 2009. I got very used to my quiet home (other than the dogs lol) and being alone til 6 pm every day. He says his next job will be a remote one. I’m really not sure how to deal with this! Plus he’s going to retire in 4 years!!! I wasn’t ready for this at all.Help!

    Reply
  35. Jackie Avatar
    Jackie

    I just found this is Mar of 2023- because I feel like I can’t complain about it but this is exactly how I feel and wanted to see if I was alone. Glad to know I’m not. But man is this frustrating.

    Reply
    1. Rebecca Rinaldi Avatar
      Rebecca Rinaldi

      You are 100 NOT ALONE! Last year for my birthday- I asked for a day ALONE IN MY HOME. That’s all I wanted- and it was GLORIOUS!

      Reply
  36. Dee Avatar
    Dee

    I know this post is old, but still it’s very relevant. My partner started WFH March 2020 when the lockdown started. It’s overwhelming having him home all the time. I do get out to work 4 days a week but I’m older than him and coming up to retirement age. I no longer look forward to that as I’m afraid I’m going to end up being his maid. Having no time to do my own thing. Even now he makes comments about making him lunch, coffee etc on my non working days. I have to be quiet when he’s on his meetings.. it’s very frustrating.

    Reply
  37. Rae Avatar
    Rae

    I am in the same boat ( husband works from home and needs quiet )as a SAHM with a toddler and school aged child and old disabled dog that barks all day long .

    Reply
  38. KRISTI K WIRTZ Avatar
    KRISTI K WIRTZ

    I’m so sorry that you are going through all this! I told my husband when he decided to work from home, that home and kids are my work, so if he didn’t feel as if he could work with the noise and hustle then he would need to go to the office. Is there any way to get something to help sound proof his workspace so you don’t have to keep your toddler and puppy quiet all day?

    Reply
  39. elle Avatar
    elle

    wow, I felt like I could have written this to a T. It’s hard. I find I’m constantly irritated. I asked him to please stop shouting out orders or random questions you can figure out yourself (i.e. what’s the weather like). I’m not your assistant or maid on call. I would love to find a job outside the home but with 3 young kids and boatloads of household chores to accomplish (which he won’t help with). I can’t see that being an option. I drop my kids off at school and go for a long run and even the library sometimes just to kill time and NOT be around him. I’ve even looked into building a she shed in the backyard. Somehow I can see him shouting at me from there. 🙂 I guess I find ways to get my peace back but for now this is growing pains.

    Reply
  40. Kristi Avatar
    Kristi

    Yes,,,,the having to say “bye” or ” I’m going here or there” ! I think it is because my husband wants to decide whether to come with me…he will just leave work if it’s something he wants to do.

    Reply
  41. Rebecca Rinaldi Avatar
    Rebecca Rinaldi

    Thank you for putting in words EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling and functioning ever since my husbands job moved into our home. I too am a creature who loves personal time and solace and the only way I can get that anymore is to leave my house. I used to LOVE alone time IN MY HOME where I can turn up my music and clean to my hearts content, or read, or garden- or whatever brought my soul some peace and recharge. Yes- cleaning was even something I enjoyed when I could do it with music blaring and at whatever cadence I chose. Those days are gone forever and my soul FEELS IT. This work from home arrangement has bred resentment and I’m unsure how to solve. An added note of frustration- lying in bed reading e-mails and calling that “working”. Seriously????? Maybe it’s jealousy? I don’t think so because I cannot imagine functioning like that personally. Suggestions welcome!

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Avatar
      Lorraine

      I can’t say that it’s much better. The kids are a bit older, but his office is right in the middle of the house. I can hear every single word, he constantly pops out and I just don’t know, maybe I have focus issues, but I feel like I can’t get one thing done as a result of the constant interruptions. I’m still struggling with no end in sight. Let me add to this entire post, I don’t believe HE is truly happy. He spent so many years traveling and meeting people and that makes him come alive. Now he’s just home, and although he’s putting in effort at work, I don’t believe he is truly happy either.

      Reply
  42. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    My husband is talking to me right now, as if I’m not reading this article. 😒 😮‍💨

    Reply
  43. Leah Avatar
    Leah

    I posted here in 2021 and today as we head into 2024 absolutely nothing has changed. Aside from the fact that I’ve gone crazier. My husband WAS going into the office 1 measly day a week but now his office is starting a reno, so all employees will be working strictly from home again for the next 6 months, which we know how construction goes, it’ll be longer than that.

    I am at my wits end and literally ready to snap. He knows this, but his hands are tied. I am thinking I might as well go out and find a job just so I can get out of that house and have some separation. The constant exchange of energies and being around each other is not healthy for our marriage, let alone our mental health.

    I started a business from home to see if that would help, just to keep me busy & add some income on the side (I already have $ coming in from another side biz so it’s not like I don’t contribute) but what I’ve realized is it’s more so about never getting the opportunity to truly be alone, away from him or even to be around different people.

    How are you all coping? What are you doing to stay sane without going broke spending it on different activities just to get out of the house and breaks up the day?

    Reply
  44. Laurel Avatar
    Laurel

    March 13, 2020 – Life hasn’t been the same. I worked part time from home and suddenly, my husband took over my office. Although required to work from the office twice a week, he finds excuses to stay home. In the past 2 months, he has gone in 3 times.

    I find myself spending time in the guest bedroom to avoid him. I am tired of tip toeing around my house so I don’t disturb him or get asked judgemetal questions. He has something to say about EVERYTHING I do. He feels like he can do tings better than me. Yesterday, he asked me why I was cleaning the house…as if I don’t ever clean the house. I feel paralyzed and only receive a bit of peace when I am not in his sight…or else he has something to say about it. The anxiety is a heavy load and has taken a toll on me.

    Reply
  45. A jib Avatar
    A jib

    All of these comments are spot on, 100% true. But we need to focus on how to approach this problem. Ideas, tips, things that have worked (or not!!). Sharing is good and knowing others same issue makes me feel better but I would love to know how to address this.
    How do we subtly talk about it with them so they don’t feel attacked?
    Are there books to read?
    Are there any blogs for men to read about it!
    Where could they work for free and take conference calls? Ex the library here has conference rooms you can reserve
    Is it good to have a schedule?

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      This is good input and is why I’ve created the forum on this site. The original post above is updated to lead to a forum. It’s not be used just yet but I can’t think of a better topic or start to get people to discuss and help each other.

      Reply
  46. Alexa Avatar
    Alexa

    My boyfriend does this and it makes me want to run away from home.! There is no time that is not punctuated with his voice or loud TV, loud Speakerphone business calls, and constat talk about business. This was formerly a turn-on for me. Now I can’t stand to hear his voice. I’ve tried talking him about it. We’re looked at getting him an office, but he says maybe we can take turns going to the office. I’ve worked from home nearly my entire life. It’s what works for me. I’m a desk worker that needs my entire office. I bought an RV to try to have a seperate space to work out of, but it’s hard to park it anywhere nearby… I’m currently looking to purchase a house or condo to use as an office!

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      After three years my husband moved his office to the basement and it is working a little bit better. I’m guessing it is his house you’re living in and that’s why you’re looking for your own? Is that correct. If you can afford it, go for it!

      Reply
  47. Amy Avatar
    Amy

    I feel so validated and understood. Ha.
    Since Covid my husband has been “officing” at home, in the living room! I think my limit has been met which is why I googled to ease my mind. So glad I found your post. It’s just not ideal because that’s common space. I don’t work because I have Sjogren’s Disease but I do advocacy work for the Foundation. I can’t even think straight when he’s on his conference calls.
    I’ve read some articles about how unhealthy wfh lifestyle is too. It’s just too sedentary.
    Thanks for the post. The other comments made me feel better too. I feel better brining up the conversation again with my husband.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      You are not alone. I love these comments also but it also frustrates me that there’s limited understanding from society in general about the impact and a lack of how to improve things.

      Reply
  48. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Yep, I get it.

    Reply
  49. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    We live in a 650 square foot condo. One bedroom, one bathroom, one living room area/office/dining room/conference room. No basement, spare room or other area to even go to. I pretty much live in the bedroom the 4 days a week he works from home. It is very frustrating to say the least.

    Reply
  50. Jane B. Avatar
    Jane B.

    2020, was suppose to be temporary work from home. Fast forward to
    2024, my husband works from home, in an office he created in the basement and I still feel all these things you listed. It’s like you read my mind. I feel like I’ve given up on the house at this point. I have no time to recharge, and I crave alone time. I want my space back, I want peace and structure, I want the balance of the home back. I miss writing him little love notes to put in his lunch, or the excitement of him about to be home, I miss getting ready to look nice just for him. I miss not having to tiptoe around the house or telling the kids and their friends to be a little quieter because he’s on a conference call. But the office is an hour and a half away from home, so I can understand him not wanting to commute. I think our compromise may look something like a certain of days a month for him to go into the office.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      I just don’t understand why there aren’t more articles on this. I’ve been thinking that if we were both retired and spent time on experiencing life together, I wouldn’t feel the same way. Remote work has diminished my productivity. I get it. I really do.

      Reply
  51. Laura Erhardt-Lewis Avatar
    Laura Erhardt-Lewis

    I feel very relieved to have found this site on a random google search, but also very hopeless as I don’t see things changing. I have been married to my husband for 35 years in April. We have 7 children. We are dow2. My husband has had anxiety and panic disorder issues foe the better part of our marriage. Covid was the agoraphobic’s dream.
    He has been working from home for the past 4 years has had no desire to ever go back to work.
    He does help with chores now, but not to the level
    I did when I was a SAHM with 7 kids. He has to be in the mood. I work outside the home 4 days a week but many days I sit in my car in the garage to continue phone conversations because he is listening to every phone call I’m on. He asks invasive questions and I don’t feel comfortable talking with my brother about his divorce or my friends about their personal things because he is a lurker.
    I have mentioned to him numerous times that it is. Or good foe our marriage foe him to be home 24-7-365. I think he has zero intention to ever go back to work and may consider it only if I actually leave. My youngest graduates from high school next month and it has been a rocky road with he and her as he nit picks her to death. I am
    Not attracted to him sexually because of ALL of the things everyone else listed and it is frankly gross the way he only seems to care about how that aspect of our relationship is but has clearly turned a deaf ear to my pleas to go back to work a couple days a week!
    Thanks for listening. I feel numb and depressed and lonely for an actual partner who gives a flying f$&! about other peoples needs who live in the same house. It seems the only mental health that matters is his. I am tired of walking on eggshells about this topic.
    I can not do this much longer. Seriously I am at my wits end.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      This is a lot for you to bear and I’m truly happy you have found this post as an outlet. Lurker. That’s the perfect word to use, because I to still stay in my car to have a phone conversation. Last night I was working on a new post that I think you will really relate to because my youngest is at the end of his high school career as well. The post highlights how the constant presence in the house prohibits me from having a purpose outside of it and that I’ve realized that I need to be able to separate my life’s goals from his. It has taken me years to figure this out which is a bit embarrassing but now that I have, the work begins. You are so very strong and I hope you can see yourself clearly. Carrying a lot in your heart and the burden of raising your children and being the foundation for your husband is never an easy task! That old cliche is still so true – you can only control yourself. Give yourself permission to let go of solving his part of the dysfunction and figure out what’s good for you! I recently bought a book called “Soul Shift,” which is helping me quite a lot. I’ll be posting that book today. I don’t have the author’s name on me right now but I’ll put it in the post. A warm hug to you. I see you!

      Reply
  52. Laura Erhardt-Lewis Avatar
    Laura Erhardt-Lewis

    PS: I hate typos so I apologize but I’m in my car outside my daughters apartment so I can think without him walking up behind me trying to read what I’m typing. I have to leave the house to get anything done, even replying to things such as this.
    It’s utterly ridiculous

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      Bah. I still find mistakes that I’ve made as I update my posts. We are human.

      Reply
  53. N Avatar
    N

    I feel the same thing every women in this post are feeling . Man can be so annoying when they stay in the house and honestly I’m so used to be being independent and having my own schedule & he throws me off ! He wants to control every and complains often , looks like we do better when he is out working not at home !

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      Same!

      Reply
  54. Carrie Avatar
    Carrie

    Lorraine, we need a chat room or something where we can talk in real time. Do you know of anywhere online that’s happening?

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      How about this, it’s a private Facebook forum. We’ll start by inviting only people who have read this post and can say they’ve come from this page.The link can be found at the end of the post now.

      Reply
  55. Kristi Wirtz Avatar
    Kristi Wirtz

    Yes!!!

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      Can you find the page? Let me know! I want to make sure I don’t miss anyone trying to join!

      Reply
  56. Ellie Avatar
    Ellie

    Where are the solutions?? Feel like I’m going crazy!

    Reply
  57. Karalee Avatar
    Karalee

    I work from home while my partner works outside of the home. When he has the day off or gets off work early, it throws everything off for me. I find I can’t focus because he’ll be making coffee, watching tv, playing a game and talking to a friend, asking me questions or wanting to show me something on his phone, etc. Luckily, it’s not a common occurrence, so I can only imagine what it was like when your husband starting working from home. It’s wonderful to read the update that your husband move his office into the basement and you’re happier and more productive.

    Reply
    1. Lorraine Lundqvist Avatar
      Lorraine Lundqvist

      Thanks for stopping by. I absolutely love your site. Yes, I think it’s all a balance and what I’ve learned is to not feel bad about wanting my own time and space!

      Reply

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Lorraine Lundqvist

A blog highlighting my journey through midlife and beyond. Join me as I enjoy the ups and humorous downs of life over 40.

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