First Day
The college drop-off is done and I’m sitting at the airport waiting for my flight home. Everything was fine until a little boy marched past me. As he marched, he looked down at his feet, the lights on his sneakers flashing a bright green. He reminded me of a time when you too had joy on your face at lights on your sneakers. You had so many different sneakers, you wore them thin and you had to have them light up! This little boy was very similar in personality, testing the boundaries and exploring his world in the airport.
Saying Goodbye Before you Left
You’ve always been a bit of a tornado with a fierce approach to life, insisting on marching to the beat of your own drum. The irony is not lost on me as your father, your little brother and I head home from dropping you off at college. You took just enough clothes to put in a suitcase and it took us only one hour to move you into your dorm room. I had lists, the school had lists, but you had your own plans. Your plan was to simply show up. In fact, you packed for college at 5:30am, having stayed up all night on the day we were departing. Frazzled was an understatement for my state-of-mind that morning!
“I love you and this is the last night I will live here,” you whispered as you gave me a hug the night before leaving. I’m laughing as I type out these words. You had to once more remind me that you intend to fly the nest. My heart both breaks and smiles. This is your “launch” and nothing will stand in your way. I suspect you may not even return for the summer. This is your moment to shine. This is what I tell myself before the college drop-off.
Soiling The Nest
Parents talk about kicking the bird out of the nest. Then there’s soiling the nest, when your rising freshman becomes difficult in the months before leaving. You’ve definitely left a trail of clothes, water bottles and your presence around the house. You’ve been preparing me for years with your independence. I made the nest all warm and comfortable, sometimes too comfortable, and you practiced doing the opposite of what I’ve wanted you to do. You rarely took advice, intentionally walked in a different direction, if only to make a point. Up until the very last hour the tornado spun inside of the home. I thought I would feel relief after the college drop-off. Instead, I feel sadness and a bit of laughter because I am so proud of you.
The Plane Ride Home
I’ve boarded the plane now and I don’t feel so strong. Tears stream down my face, not because I’m worried, but because I already miss you. Being a parent is so tough, my mother always used to warn me that “they are only on loan.” Truer words have never been spoken. You were never “mine.” I was given the task of raising you and my job is done. You just took up so much space! Don’t worry, I asked your youngest brother for a hug but he was watching a movie so he gave me a half-hearted pat. He’s right behind you with his quest for independence! Max is also my youngest child and I bet his drop-off will be very emotional. This is how it is supposed to be. I try to remind myself that this is healthy.
I’m Home Now
I’ve walked into our home. It’s so quiet. The dogs greet me, and your little brother runs up to his room. In my mind, the empty nest gets closer and closer. I get a text from you and smile. You’re doing well.
I want you to know that it has been the absolute honor of my life to be your mother and I can’t wait to see you fly. I love you.
To all the parents bringing their children to college for the first time, take a deep breath! The next lessons that they learn are not yours to teach. You’ve done a good job. It’s time for them to fly.
Good luck to all freshmen this year! You’ve got this!
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