Life after raising my kids includes a loss in my sense of purpose. Now I understand why deciding to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is a risky decision. It’s a decision that has been challenging and rewarding for twenty years. It’s also one that has brought a forced retirement and loss into my life. I’m proud of my accomplishments, I am….but now I feel like I’m standing here with my hands and arms empty. My heart is full and empty at the same time. I ache.
Remote Work and My Husband
I’ve written about my husband working out of home here, one of my most popular posts that has resonated with hundreds of women. My husband’s constant interruptions and distractions have caused me to feel empty. Why? Why do I feel that way? He and I met at work, at the height of our careers. We were each other’s sounding boards and still are except he gets paid for it. As he talks about his projects, offloads his stress, and runs to his next call, I’ve allowed him to take up all of my space. But….his purpose is not mine. Recently, when he went on a business trip, I thought that I’d be super motivated and at peace. I feel the emptiness because I need a separate purpose and life outside of him. Remote work helped keep this truth from me as he filled up my space.
Sadness From A Loss of Purpose
I’m sad. I thrived on the chaos of my younger years and my motherhood years. Now I have a lot of experience and talent and no place to put it all. I’m too young to slow down. My life is just not enough at this very moment. Lord, this post is a difficult one to write but it’s the truth. There aren’t a lot of answers in my words because my heart is searching and aching. I have my blog, and I even have one consulting client but it’s not enough for the pace I want. I thrive on being busy and my kids fulfilled that need. My sense of purpose and motivation has waned. Life after raising kids means giving yourself permission to grow in another direction.
What Does My Soul Want?
I’m reading a book called Soul Shift by Rachel Macy Stafford. Disclaimer: If you click on that link to view or buy this book, as an Amazon associate, I may get a commission. The author talks about listening to your soul and understanding your purpose. In speaking with one of my friends, I could relate to her need to “serve others.” This is also what I do best. I love deep conversations, I come up with solutions to personal and professional problems and I have a lot to offer. I’ve started to look at volunteering opportunities and have found one. I’m waiting to get approved after taking an orientation.
My Different Life Transitions
A video sent to me today about life’s transitions caused me to reflect on times when I’ve felt the most fulfilled. To be honest, the chaos of working at a start-up and meeting lifelong friends combined with high stress was fulfilling. My divorce, although extremely painful, caused the years to pass and my role as a single mom was a major transition but a purposeful one. During my second marriage and the years of raising three boys, volunteering as a room mom, and keeping them busy kept every day full.
The pandemic, although stressful, put me on overdrive. I had it locked down at home and was a full-time wife, nurse, mental health advocate, and mom all rolled into one. I THRIVED until I didn’t. When it was “over,” I was also done raising my kids.
Your Loss of Purpose Means You’re Not Growing
Happiness is connected to your sense of purpose. When you lose yours, you need to find another one again. What will life look like for me now that I’m done raising my kids? I don’t really know, but I am finally admitting that I have to turn it up a couple of notches. I’m ready to redefine myself, seek a renewed sense of purpose, and grow into my next phase of life. I no longer want to feel like the loss of purpose but rather seek to find a new one.
If this post resonates with you, please share it with a friend. Together we are stronger.
Leave a Reply