Change forces us personal growth even when we are not ready. During your forties and fifties, in midlife, we experience changes that can be challenging and oddly liberating. We experience physical changes, mental shifts, and changes in the friendships around us. Buckle up because you’re going for a ride!
Many women go through their 30’s and 40’s focused on their career and family. Most of us by our late 40’s start to wind down a bit. Our careers are established and no longer have to climb so hard. Our children have grown into young adults who have either moved out or are shutting the door to their rooms so they don’t have to be around us. All of these changes require adaptation and different mindsets.
I’ve identified five area of change and personal growth.
Friendships and Personal Growth
Raising a family has given me a strong sense of purpose. It’s been an honor to raise and watch my sons grow, even through the tough times. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Their entry into adulthood has impacted me in ways I didn’t expect. For example, when they were younger, they were friends with everyone and I was friends with “everyone’s” moms. When they entered high school, some of those friends grew apart. When this happened, I also didn’t have as much in common with their moms. The thin bond that existed just by association weakened. What happens is that you undergo a careful evaluation of your own friendships. “Would I have picked this friend if our kids weren’t friends?” If the answer was no then I let them go.
My mom circle friends has changed. I’ve opened my heart to new friendships. I’m not a superficial person and I’ve been looking towards developing meaningful friendships with women who are interested in their own personal growth.
Focus and Personal Growth
Being a mother for almost thirty years has taken a lot of my attention and focus. This focus has dominated me completely and even when the kids told me they didn’t really need me as much, it took me way too long to give myself permission to shift. I could not let go of “being on call.” Once I did, my relationship with my husband got more attention. We are truly excited about this next chapter in our lives, and have more time to focus on each other, our health and our hobbies. It is OK to get back to me. It’s OK to turn that focus inward! Change your focus! Give yourself permission! This is a positive midlife change and the change of focus will also help you grow.
Physical Changes
Your body is changing. My husband has had a Withings scale in our house for the last ten years. That means I have ten damn years of data on my weight as I entered pre-menopause and later into my fifties! It’s painful, all of that data, because it also uploads to my iPhone and plays a little mental game in my head. I’m not a doctor. I don’t play one on TV but I offer you some hope. I gained fifteen pounds within ten years as I entered pre-menopause and my hormones went haywire. Menopause is no joke. We don’t get enough help and it’s not your thyroid or your imagination. It’s a time of complete hormonal upheaval. Wait it out. Don’t give up. You will stabilize. Here’s more about my experiences in my post “My Midlife Body.”
I can’t just leave the physical midlife changes at weight. I need to talk about the importance of exercise. If you’ve been putting it off but want to be mobile and healthy in the next twenty years then it’s critical that you start now. Your muscles atrophy as you age and weight training is important. Start by walking, stretching and try yoga. Swimming has been a fantastic activity for me and is low impact. Find activities that you enjoy. Sit less and move more. Care for your mind and body and listen to it. Take naps. Drink water. You deserve it!
Nutrition and Alcohol
Many of us will develop insulin resistance. If I look at food I can easily gain weight. Carbs and sugar intake must be low. Alcohol is not my friend in midlife. Remember my husband who loves his data? He bought me an Oura ring for Christmas. This ring…this ring can tell when I’ve had one drink. That one drink or a heavy meal for that matter, will cause my heart rate to stay elevated all night. When I wake up in the morning, the ring will call me out. “Did you drink last night, your body is not recovered and you should take it easy today.” My body can no longer process alcohol, not even one glass of wine! In fact, it takes days for my body to reach peak readiness. I don’t think alcohol is anyone’s friend to be honest. In my case, change came in the form of knowledge.
Patience and Tolerance
You’ve lived half of your life. Now you’re questioning your accomplishments. What is the meaning of your life and your purpose? Can I accomplish new things with the time I have left? What makes you happy? Time is precious so we start to get a little bit selfish with the tolerance part of our lives. Knowing what’s important to our hearts and souls, it’s normal to decide that there is no more time for petty or toxic people. Start to cut it out like a cancer, live with less drama and move on.
I am 100% in this stage and don’t have anymore time for bullshit. My life and my time left on this earth is so precious to me and I have so much gratitude for life that I have reached the stage of low tolerance for negativity. I’m doing my best to minimize it unapologetically and with a strength I didn’t have in my thirties. I’m excited for the good that my life has in front of me.
Midlife Changes Are Good
Change is inevitable and we don’t really have a choice. Turn that change into something good for yourself and your personal growth. Give yourself grace to pay attention to your own heart. Embrace your age. Do not fear.
“Stand up and Walk. Move Forward.” (Hiromu Arakawa)
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