In 2018 My Husband Started Working From Home
In 2018, after a shift in his career, my husband started to work from home. Today we are still in this situation and every single word is still true except our kids are older. In the end, we are all in this together but we are only human and sometimes we laugh, cry, and complain. The pandemic post and update is found here. Thanks for reading!
I’m seriously struggling with my husband’s schedule. During the first fourteen years of our marriage, he was in an office and traveling constantly. His schedule was so frantic that I decided to stay at home so we both didn’t have to travel and leave three young kids. This arrangement truly worked. I am an extrovert with introvert tendencies, I love being alone and am happy as a clam not talking to anyone or socializing in any way. Being alone is important to my mental health. It just is.
Fast forward in our marriage and my husband is now working out of our home. On certain days he goes on a business trip and on others he may go to his monthly virtual office but he LOVES to work out of home. This is a tough situation. I share this frustration with other women, whether they have a work-at-home husband or they have a husband who is retired. I’ve been evaluating why I’ve been such a bitch to him.
Why Does This Bother Me?
I’ve come up with several reasons why this constant togetherness stresses me out.
- Absence. Heart. Fonder. It’s important to have space during the day and catch up with each other at night. When you have constant togetherness, the heart doesn’t feel so fond. I know what he’s eaten, what conference calls he’s had, and every little technical detail of his day. Our house has an open floor plan and I can hear everything! When night comes along, instead of catching up, I’m running the other way.
- Interruptions. My life is a series of constant interruptions, day in and day out. I get a reprieve from this during the school year when the kids go to school. Now my husband takes their place. “Have you seen my power cord, did you take my socks, did the dogs go out, have you eaten lunch and how is your day going?” I have completely lost my alone time when I regroup and recharge.
- Dogs and stress. If you have dogs then you know they bark at any stupid thing that crosses your window OH THERE’S A SQUIRREL! I can no longer ignore their barking. I’m worried that they will disturb his conference call or interrupt HIS day. This is stressful and adds one more thing to my list. Also, see number 1.
- Lack of focus. I can’t stand cooking and cleaning. Pulling together a meal and keeping on top of the house requires tons of effort. These mundane tasks bore me. In my great desire to have space, I attempt to stay away from open areas of the house. This means that I simply don’t get things done. This makes me depressed.
- Judgement. My husband is pretty non-judgmental. I appreciate this character trait. I can’t help but feel judged by the questions asked. “How many cups of coffee do you drink each day?” “Did you work out?” “How did your meeting go?” “When do the kids come home?” “Who was that on the phone?” “Did you call so and so back?” Yea. See number 1.
Not Feeling Heard
I spoke to my husband to explain why I’m struggling but he didn’t understand. There is a difference between enjoying his company and always being in his company. I think it’s incredibly important for two people in a marriage to have their space and alone time. Yesterday I took my laptop to Panera and sat there for hours just to get things done. Meanwhile, the house is falling apart. This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn to get some writing accomplished. My life is now about stealing moments. I’m also looking into starting a business and taking on more consulting work. Let’s face it, if I’m going to fail as a domestic goddess and ignore the housework so that I may have space and productivity, I may as well get paid for it.
Marriage and Remote Work Update 2024
Six years later we’ve reached a compromise. Six years of not being heard and six years of reading my own post over and over to remind myself that I’m not the only one who feels crazy with my husband working at home. I’ve read every single comment so I didn’t feel alone. My husband has moved his office to the basement. It has transformed my life and I’m also happy to say that he is quite content as well. Just a small move has enabled me to write more and fix some of the technical issues on this site and I’ve never been so productive. We are both happier and our marriage is better as a result.
Private Facebook Forum
Have you felt crazy over remote work in your marriage? If you have a similar situation at your house, I’d love to hear about it!
I’ve created a private Facebook forum for those of you who want a better sense of community. Check it out. I’m going to ask you for the link to this post to ensure that you’re from this group or at least for people who feel the same to be a bit vetted. Click on the words Facebook forum to get the link. I also have a general blog page so please follow and share!
![Via [ Rob in son buc ler ]‘ ‘g ma i l...c 0 m.. Avatar](https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/9c7df53c39e8a5ba2af5a612011a9b3f?s=40&d=mm&r=g){kind=avatar}
Leave a Reply